Photos from my walk today

Hi Everybody!  Long time no see! Well this quarantine business is something else isn't it? I have been keeping busy by getting out every day for a walk/run or bike ride. My usual fear of the buses is exaggerated enormously by my worry about the virus. It is too small a space and nowhere to distance. So if i do have to go somewhere I walk or ride there. I usually do that in the summer anyway.

I got a new camera so I have been taking some photos so I thought I would start up my running photo blog to share them with you and also some of my thoughts. Today I went for a walk down the rail trail with a friend. It was nice to walk in the shade as it is a pretty hot day today. Feels like summer!

I have started this month long virtual race. It is a 50k (31 miles) and it goes over a month's time. I feel I will be able to make that. Last month my numbers were 81 miles biking, 20 miles running 45 miles walking. Some of the walking and biking were commuting  but I, like everyone else, have not been commuting quite as much. Like everyone I spend a lot of time now at home.

So here are some photos from my walk today. We walked down the rail trail so I saw a lot of flowers! The bottom one I am not sure what kind it is. Seems to be a cousin of the peony maybe?

These little purple 

flowers were so lovely. I wanted to capture how they covered

the side of the trail. 

These white flowers reminded me of honeysuckle

 Here are some more of the little bushy kinds of flowers. The purple ones I thought were like violets and the yellow ones like some kind of daisy. I am sure there are those of you out there right now going NO NO because you know what kind they are.
Any and all information you may have I will love to learn. I have not studied flowers and plants extensively but i know there are many gardeners out there who have a lot of knowledge.

 We came to one of my favorite parts by rogers street as you cross it there is a horse farm. The horses are gorgeous. I had brought an apple and tossed it into the field.


A little further on we came across
a cat who had a sign saying he belonged at the farm.  I thought it was so cute. He posed for us in front of his sign. He was
very friendly.

Here we come to one of my
favorite parts. The church lane bridge.
This has been one of my favorite
bridges for a long time. I love
the rustic color and how
it looks against the green. I once was told by a geocaching app that there was a geocache there but i never found it. Maybe someone took it.

 Last time I went on the trail
with my bike I discovered
they had gone and built a
lovely little paved path I
hadn't been on before! Today
I walked down it and it was so
lovely and green and shady.

Back to the bridge and then
my friend and I walked back
to the parking lot. It ended up being
five miles which was good. I had had
a goal of five miles walking so it
was great to hit my goal. And my friend and I had a lovely talk as we
went.

This is a photo of a robin on some kind of rusted farm equipment off to the side of the trail. I could have taken a better photo but I had just missed a bright red cardinal.

So that was my walk today. I had a really nice time and got in my miles for the race. I have 10 miles now of walking/running this month.

It is good to have a goal. Perhaps soon I can get back to work. Until then I will keep walking/biking and running. As long as I stick to less busy areas and wear my mask if there are more people or I go inside (which i never do) it is good for mental, emotional and physical health to be outside doing something. Some fresh air is one of the best medicines.

I am going to try to keep this blog up now and hope to get some readers built up again. Now that i have a good camera there should be lots of nice pictures to share with all of you!

An actual honest-to-god run report

Back to the Trails

by Heather

Hey Everyone!! Remember when I had this  blog going regularly?? Well I have been taking a very long break from all things running due to health problems but feel I am doing better now and so today I decided to run a trail run instead of walk it.

Being honest here: I have not actually RUN in....oh...lets see.....7 months? maybe 8? Been doing more biking and walking. But I decided I have been feeling better so today I ran the trail run out at Fairfax.

You know what?? It went WELL. Better than even I expected. What an amazing feeling to once again be zooming downhill in the dirt and leaves and trees all around. What a high!

It shows that I have been short changing myself and not grasping how much better I am actually doing.

My Healthy Choices I am doing:

No alcohol
Vegetarian
Substituting water or Le Croix for pop
Eating more fruit instead of cookies
Eating at work more which I work at a very healthy mediterranean restaurant so my meals:
         Quinoa and lentils; roasted veggies; salad; hummus and pita bread; falafel and tsaziki sauce; vegan chili or meatless soups.
Have lost 20 pounds since June


So maybe I was stuck thinking I couldn't do things even though here I had been getting healthier than I thought. Sometimes the mind can trick you.

I got done. And I won an entry into the Tecumseh Trail Marathon--a point to point trail race where we run from Morgan Monroe State Forest to Yellowwood State Forest. 26+ miles of lovely forests, lakes, peace and quiet---and so....I am doing it. I have run this race 4 times and every time it was great. Even the last time I ran it when i got stung twice by hornets at mile 2 and then ran the other 24 miles in the pouring rain. But I still finished happy and when people asked me how it was i would reply AWESOME. I guess I am kinda strange but that is just fine.

So here comes 2020 and it looks like this is my year to keep making healthy choices and start believing in myself more. And in October I will do what I can do out there on the lovely trails. Whether I walk more of it or what I will have a good time. I always do.

Who am I? Identity disturbance in borderline personality disorder

Identity problems in borderline personality disorder

   Borderline Personality Disorder is a very misunderstood and maligned illness. It affects 20% of the population and yet people feel they need to hide it to keep the goodwill of their social group(s). The most pervading symptom of BPD is the concept of identity disturbance or lack of cohesive identity. 

  BPD can usually be traced back to childhood. Most of those afflicted grew up in abusive, neglectful and/or unstable households. The parents may have had BPD themselves or another mental illness and possibly addiction issues. So the child is never sure who or what the parents will be from day to day. Will mommy or daddy be happy today, crying or angry? Will the parents be loving or fighting? Will I be hurt or left alone or scared? Are we moving again? Will mommy/daddy go into the hospital?

  Since the childhood household is so changeable day to day the child starts to get very good at adapting THEIR moods, outlooks and ways of behaving from the cues of the parents. So if daddy is really happy today the child gets their cue from that and is happy as well. If the child is being hurt or neglected it must be that the child's actions have brought it on because mommy or daddy cannot be wrong or everything will feel out of control. Boundaries in households such as this can also be very blurred. The parents, feeling out of control themselves, may lean on the child for acceptance, validation or affection instead of the other way around. So the child learns they must put their own needs and feelings aside or hide them in order to keep the parent more stable. 

  When the borderline patient grows up that pattern has been thoroughly installed in their personality. That is all a personality disorder is. It's a pattern of behavior that the child learned and adapted as a coping mechanism and then it pervades the behavior for the adult's life. 

  One of the most crippling symptoms is the lack of identity. The adult borderline patient has kept their true self hidden for so long that there is an empty space there. They have adapted to having their self guided by others so they know how to act, what to be interested in, what career to have, what religion to be and other very important facets of who we are as a core identity. That core identity is just not there. It is a big, empty canvas that the borderline can then paint with any colors that come from outside themselves. That gives a sense of belonging and stability. 

  So the person may be involved with a particular religion and throw themselves into it 100%. For that period of time that is who they ARE. As that may shift due to other social groups they become involved in and then taking their cues from outside once again they may shift an activity or career and once again they are that 100%. When that activity, career, religion, social group or relationship ends or shifts then the person is left with nothing to pin their identity to and it can feel like floating in an ocean and, like the ocean, it is a vast space and you can feel as though you are drowning in emptiness, self-doubt and uncertainty. The inner child comes out and that uncertainty can harken back to the core instability felt in the formulating years of their personality. They have no idea who they are. 

  The borderline is then, like a drowning person, liable to grasp at the first straw they see. Whether that be a new career direction, a new relationship, new friends and other things. That is where the impulsiveness comes in. When you are drowning you don't take time to analyze the rescue boat. You just get in. 

   While there can be a good prognosis for the person who is able to get professional help many do not see they are sick or do not have access to mental health care so they can continue on this path for the rest of their life. Some are too sick to really completely heal and so even with help they can still have all the pervasive qualities of this illness for life as well. It is a difficult thing to heal the personality for that is who you ARE. That is what makes you YOU. If you can maintain that core throughout all the changes in life that everyone goes through than you can be a more stable person. 

It is borderline personality disorder awareness month. That's a mouthful isn't it? But it is important to spread the word about this little understood illness and to educate people beyond what they may see in "Girl Interrupted". 

If you know of someone with this illness do not run from them. That will activate that fear of abandonment and will be difficult for the person to take. Keep reminding them of boundaries in a compassionate way understanding that they are not always in full control of how they act and react. Try to understand them and realize they are a person with an illness. They are not the illness itself. 

The forest and the sights and sounds of God

 I have started to get back into my trail running. It has been a long trip back. I have been feeling better on my runs than I used to and it is such a pleasure to be out in the woods again with friends. Yesterday I went running pate hollow trail with my friend and it was such a delight. The woods were lovely and the weather was perfect. It was sunny and warm. I felt gratitude for being out there and being with my friend.
  I hope to be able to run and hike many trails this summer. I am looking forward to the greenery, birdsong and wildlife. Perhaps taking a kayak or canoe trip on the lake. I can get my camping gear out and ready and spend a weekend out in nature camping and running.

Nature is life's solution to anxiety and stress. It gives me a pause in my busy life, quiets my mind and feeds the soul.

It offers me the chance to feel that connection to the earth, the beings who share this earth with me and God. I can speak to Him in my heart when i am in that quiet place and actually understand what it is He wants me to do. By stilling the mind I can open my ears to what is really around me and what life is about.


I have been an Episcopalian for many years and love being in my church. It is a beautiful thing to also feel that quality of Earth and Heaven when I am amidst God's creation.

My favorite psalm is plasm 23 which starts: "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul."

It shows in that psalm the quiet voice in the forest; the reflection of divine beauty in the surface of a lake. It brings serenity and a love for all that walks upon the ground, flies in the air and swims beneath the waters.

It is Lent right now which is the time of the year when we work to quiet our hearts and our minds to better hear the voice of God. We work to put aside the chaotic lives we live in and look inwards to find our most important truths.

For 40 days we work to lure out distractions and focus on how we can better understand what we are meant to do. Easter will be coming soon and with it the knowledge that we have been forgiven and will continue to be forgiven for our shortfalls and human folly. We are given a great gift.

So I will work to spend as much time in the warmer months to find those peaceful spaces whether alone or with good friends. I will breathe deeply inhaling the sounds and sights around me.

I am very lucky to live in a place now with so many beautiful parks and trails in which to spend my time. I used to live in Chicago which does have some green spaces but where I lived there were way too few. When I first moved here I was unused to the country and it spooked me. Now I know I can never live in a city again. I need these green, quiet spaces.


So now when I am feeling troubled and my mind is whirling around a million miles an hour I will get in my little orange beetle and head out to the trails. My longing will be satiated and my heart will find the special joy in the earth. I will run in the cathedral of the trees. 

Long-distance running and the things I learned from it: hypothyroidism, immune system, overtraining

 I've finally reached a point in my thyroid health that my hormones are at a good level and though I have problems with my knees and hips I am finally able to really get back to some exercise. I will not be doing anymore distance running although I am enjoying walking. I am going back to the YMCA so I can get back into strength training which I am looking forward to doing.

 I didn't know (hindsight is 20/20) that all my distance running may have been damaging my immune system, adrenal glands and thyroid. All I knew back then was I was gaining weight without doing much different. I am the one who went into my doctor saying "I think my thyroid stopped working. I am gaining weight for no big reason." I was not eating tons of sweets, baked goods, fried food, fast food and such yet was still putting on weight and my exercise had been suffering. I could no longer keep up with my friends at running group, had trouble with my muscle strength and was tired all the time. If you have been reading this blog you know my troubles. But not sure you know how they started.

  I like to say I was addicted to distance running but have been clean since 2016. It's kind of a joke and kind of not a joke. I believe I DID get addicted to the high of the long run, the excitement of racing, the hours spent out by myself running and running. I felt like a superhero when I was out there for multiple hours, finished an ultramarathon, marathon or any race. I was addicted to that feeling. Yet I have found through a year and a half of reading and studying that over exercise can lead to all kinds of problems.

• Mood swings
• Loss of muscle
• Increased fat retention
• Long-lasting fatigue
• Afternoon malaise
• Digestive issues
• Disrupted sleep
• Reduced cognitive function
• Depression
• Anxiety

I started experiencing these effects after a long time of training to run long distance races. Feeling the pull of the long runs was almost a physical craving similar to a drug. The long term effects on my knees (already long ago diagnosed with osteoarthritis) and ignoring the continuing symptoms (such as more injuries and decreased performance in my running and races) I kept on doing it.

  Even as a trainer myself I was somewhat oblivious. Because of my success in the past of running long distances and training hard I had this somewhat limited view of myself and my own overtraining and lack of recuperation time.

  I am now at a stage where I am starting over from where I was years ago. My lack of metabolism and other issues has contributed to weight gain. I lost muscle strength and have to start over again increasing my strength and my body's ability to withstand exercise. I have to be more careful of my joints and have learned to listen to my body more closely. I have learned that I want to be active but not overactive and to now engage in moderate exercise instead of constant hard training.
   I am happy that I have a bit more energy now than I did a year or so ago. Though I still have many lasting effects from all that overtraining I feel now I can go back to regular exercise and still be careful with myself so as not to cause further damage to my joints or my endocrine and immune system. The long runs are over and that's okay. I am going to focus on exercise to be good to my body not to push it past it's limits. I will engage myself more in strength training, mind/body workouts and gentle exercise.

  I am grateful to those who have been with me through this time of forced underactivity and my mourning the loss of those long runs, distance races and feeling of invincibility.

Headed back to running soon

   I have had 3 months off of running on doctor's orders. Now I am being given the green light to start small runs. 3 months is the longest I have gone without running since 2011 when I started.
  It is going to be a hard start I am sure. Like the above cartoon I am sure just a bit of running will be hard but the fact I can start again soon fills me with hope and joy. Running is my favorite thing and it has been difficult not to do but I want to listen to my doctor and do what he thinks is best.
  Ultras are not an option for me anymore I don't think. Perhaps that will change but for now it's alright if I don't do another. I had an amazing time doing the ones I did and will never forget it. My doctor told me last week when I saw him at first he wants me to do the elliptical since that is like running but without impact. I have not been a big fan of the elliptical but once again will do what he says.
  I am excited to lace up my running shoes and head out the door. The first run might be hard but I know from past experience it will get better and better. When I get that first runner's high I will be ecstatic. I will be starting a little training for a half marathon in the spring called Run with the Foxes--training with a workout buddy who has been very patient with my rest time and needing to walk instead of run.
  For races that is it. Might change, might not. The most important thing I have learned is to love my body, to take care of it and listen to it's signals so as not to overdo. I have learned a lot in this last 3 months--about my body and it's limits, about my tendency to push myself too hard, about the fact that my friends stick with me even when I am not engaging in the activities they do.
  I am going to make sure this time that I take care of myself--keep my wits about me even when running becomes a bit easier and more fun. I will be happy to just have the option to run if I want to. I will make sure I engage in plenty of other fun ways to exercise--joining the YMCA; taking kickboxing again perhaps; swimming; cycling; lifting weights. If my body amidst all this activity says NO even once I will listen to it. I will stop. No pain-no gain has always been stupid to me.
  I will also have other forms of fun like I have been doing the last few months when I couldn't run. I will get into funny blogs on the internet; watch movies; have FUN on my new job as a barista (which is really fun for me!! Especially as a coffee addict) and just hanging out with my friends on my times off. I will have fun running with BARA and other running friends and I will have fun running alone.




So if you see me running again in the next few weeks--even if I look like I am not enjoying it at the moment?--give me a high five.  :-)

red eye relay

Well did the red eye relay last night. It went fine. My last gasp at running/racing for a long while until things in my system are steadier. Some endocrine system problems, autoimmune issues and such......all a perfect storm to turn a fairly average runner to no runner at all. The biggest reason is just that my muscles and joints hurt more than they used to, it takes me longer to recover from workouts and it's more important to rest well and keep the intensity lower.

And, yes, I walked/slowwwly jogged a little more of it than I had thought I would. Mistake number one was going into a race at all. Sigh. Like the magic mirror that lies my mind told me "You can go there and just walk a few miles and the excitement won't get to you at all."

My mind sucks at truthiness. But now that it's over with I am glad I went. I had fun. I feel I did more than I *should* have but with an easy pace that was practically walking speed.

Now it's time to say goodbye to races until all of this is straightened out. Seeing as some of these problems are long-term if not lifelong it may be a good, long while before I see another one.


I WILL be at races again to volunteer/crew and such but probably not for awhile. I think I need to let that little bit of buzz die down within me first.


In the meantime I will be switching this blog over to "some stuff I saw during my day today". The name won't change but the content will. I can still take and post some nice photos here and my own ramblings but for the runs it will be done for now.