Photos from my walk today

Hi Everybody!  Long time no see! Well this quarantine business is something else isn't it? I have been keeping busy by getting out every day for a walk/run or bike ride. My usual fear of the buses is exaggerated enormously by my worry about the virus. It is too small a space and nowhere to distance. So if i do have to go somewhere I walk or ride there. I usually do that in the summer anyway.

I got a new camera so I have been taking some photos so I thought I would start up my running photo blog to share them with you and also some of my thoughts. Today I went for a walk down the rail trail with a friend. It was nice to walk in the shade as it is a pretty hot day today. Feels like summer!

I have started this month long virtual race. It is a 50k (31 miles) and it goes over a month's time. I feel I will be able to make that. Last month my numbers were 81 miles biking, 20 miles running 45 miles walking. Some of the walking and biking were commuting  but I, like everyone else, have not been commuting quite as much. Like everyone I spend a lot of time now at home.

So here are some photos from my walk today. We walked down the rail trail so I saw a lot of flowers! The bottom one I am not sure what kind it is. Seems to be a cousin of the peony maybe?

These little purple 

flowers were so lovely. I wanted to capture how they covered

the side of the trail. 

These white flowers reminded me of honeysuckle

 Here are some more of the little bushy kinds of flowers. The purple ones I thought were like violets and the yellow ones like some kind of daisy. I am sure there are those of you out there right now going NO NO because you know what kind they are.
Any and all information you may have I will love to learn. I have not studied flowers and plants extensively but i know there are many gardeners out there who have a lot of knowledge.

 We came to one of my favorite parts by rogers street as you cross it there is a horse farm. The horses are gorgeous. I had brought an apple and tossed it into the field.


A little further on we came across
a cat who had a sign saying he belonged at the farm.  I thought it was so cute. He posed for us in front of his sign. He was
very friendly.

Here we come to one of my
favorite parts. The church lane bridge.
This has been one of my favorite
bridges for a long time. I love
the rustic color and how
it looks against the green. I once was told by a geocaching app that there was a geocache there but i never found it. Maybe someone took it.

 Last time I went on the trail
with my bike I discovered
they had gone and built a
lovely little paved path I
hadn't been on before! Today
I walked down it and it was so
lovely and green and shady.

Back to the bridge and then
my friend and I walked back
to the parking lot. It ended up being
five miles which was good. I had had
a goal of five miles walking so it
was great to hit my goal. And my friend and I had a lovely talk as we
went.

This is a photo of a robin on some kind of rusted farm equipment off to the side of the trail. I could have taken a better photo but I had just missed a bright red cardinal.

So that was my walk today. I had a really nice time and got in my miles for the race. I have 10 miles now of walking/running this month.

It is good to have a goal. Perhaps soon I can get back to work. Until then I will keep walking/biking and running. As long as I stick to less busy areas and wear my mask if there are more people or I go inside (which i never do) it is good for mental, emotional and physical health to be outside doing something. Some fresh air is one of the best medicines.

I am going to try to keep this blog up now and hope to get some readers built up again. Now that i have a good camera there should be lots of nice pictures to share with all of you!

An actual honest-to-god run report

Back to the Trails

by Heather

Hey Everyone!! Remember when I had this  blog going regularly?? Well I have been taking a very long break from all things running due to health problems but feel I am doing better now and so today I decided to run a trail run instead of walk it.

Being honest here: I have not actually RUN in....oh...lets see.....7 months? maybe 8? Been doing more biking and walking. But I decided I have been feeling better so today I ran the trail run out at Fairfax.

You know what?? It went WELL. Better than even I expected. What an amazing feeling to once again be zooming downhill in the dirt and leaves and trees all around. What a high!

It shows that I have been short changing myself and not grasping how much better I am actually doing.

My Healthy Choices I am doing:

No alcohol
Vegetarian
Substituting water or Le Croix for pop
Eating more fruit instead of cookies
Eating at work more which I work at a very healthy mediterranean restaurant so my meals:
         Quinoa and lentils; roasted veggies; salad; hummus and pita bread; falafel and tsaziki sauce; vegan chili or meatless soups.
Have lost 20 pounds since June


So maybe I was stuck thinking I couldn't do things even though here I had been getting healthier than I thought. Sometimes the mind can trick you.

I got done. And I won an entry into the Tecumseh Trail Marathon--a point to point trail race where we run from Morgan Monroe State Forest to Yellowwood State Forest. 26+ miles of lovely forests, lakes, peace and quiet---and so....I am doing it. I have run this race 4 times and every time it was great. Even the last time I ran it when i got stung twice by hornets at mile 2 and then ran the other 24 miles in the pouring rain. But I still finished happy and when people asked me how it was i would reply AWESOME. I guess I am kinda strange but that is just fine.

So here comes 2020 and it looks like this is my year to keep making healthy choices and start believing in myself more. And in October I will do what I can do out there on the lovely trails. Whether I walk more of it or what I will have a good time. I always do.

Who am I? Identity disturbance in borderline personality disorder

Identity problems in borderline personality disorder

   Borderline Personality Disorder is a very misunderstood and maligned illness. It affects 20% of the population and yet people feel they need to hide it to keep the goodwill of their social group(s). The most pervading symptom of BPD is the concept of identity disturbance or lack of cohesive identity. 

  BPD can usually be traced back to childhood. Most of those afflicted grew up in abusive, neglectful and/or unstable households. The parents may have had BPD themselves or another mental illness and possibly addiction issues. So the child is never sure who or what the parents will be from day to day. Will mommy or daddy be happy today, crying or angry? Will the parents be loving or fighting? Will I be hurt or left alone or scared? Are we moving again? Will mommy/daddy go into the hospital?

  Since the childhood household is so changeable day to day the child starts to get very good at adapting THEIR moods, outlooks and ways of behaving from the cues of the parents. So if daddy is really happy today the child gets their cue from that and is happy as well. If the child is being hurt or neglected it must be that the child's actions have brought it on because mommy or daddy cannot be wrong or everything will feel out of control. Boundaries in households such as this can also be very blurred. The parents, feeling out of control themselves, may lean on the child for acceptance, validation or affection instead of the other way around. So the child learns they must put their own needs and feelings aside or hide them in order to keep the parent more stable. 

  When the borderline patient grows up that pattern has been thoroughly installed in their personality. That is all a personality disorder is. It's a pattern of behavior that the child learned and adapted as a coping mechanism and then it pervades the behavior for the adult's life. 

  One of the most crippling symptoms is the lack of identity. The adult borderline patient has kept their true self hidden for so long that there is an empty space there. They have adapted to having their self guided by others so they know how to act, what to be interested in, what career to have, what religion to be and other very important facets of who we are as a core identity. That core identity is just not there. It is a big, empty canvas that the borderline can then paint with any colors that come from outside themselves. That gives a sense of belonging and stability. 

  So the person may be involved with a particular religion and throw themselves into it 100%. For that period of time that is who they ARE. As that may shift due to other social groups they become involved in and then taking their cues from outside once again they may shift an activity or career and once again they are that 100%. When that activity, career, religion, social group or relationship ends or shifts then the person is left with nothing to pin their identity to and it can feel like floating in an ocean and, like the ocean, it is a vast space and you can feel as though you are drowning in emptiness, self-doubt and uncertainty. The inner child comes out and that uncertainty can harken back to the core instability felt in the formulating years of their personality. They have no idea who they are. 

  The borderline is then, like a drowning person, liable to grasp at the first straw they see. Whether that be a new career direction, a new relationship, new friends and other things. That is where the impulsiveness comes in. When you are drowning you don't take time to analyze the rescue boat. You just get in. 

   While there can be a good prognosis for the person who is able to get professional help many do not see they are sick or do not have access to mental health care so they can continue on this path for the rest of their life. Some are too sick to really completely heal and so even with help they can still have all the pervasive qualities of this illness for life as well. It is a difficult thing to heal the personality for that is who you ARE. That is what makes you YOU. If you can maintain that core throughout all the changes in life that everyone goes through than you can be a more stable person. 

It is borderline personality disorder awareness month. That's a mouthful isn't it? But it is important to spread the word about this little understood illness and to educate people beyond what they may see in "Girl Interrupted". 

If you know of someone with this illness do not run from them. That will activate that fear of abandonment and will be difficult for the person to take. Keep reminding them of boundaries in a compassionate way understanding that they are not always in full control of how they act and react. Try to understand them and realize they are a person with an illness. They are not the illness itself. 

The forest and the sights and sounds of God

 I have started to get back into my trail running. It has been a long trip back. I have been feeling better on my runs than I used to and it is such a pleasure to be out in the woods again with friends. Yesterday I went running pate hollow trail with my friend and it was such a delight. The woods were lovely and the weather was perfect. It was sunny and warm. I felt gratitude for being out there and being with my friend.
  I hope to be able to run and hike many trails this summer. I am looking forward to the greenery, birdsong and wildlife. Perhaps taking a kayak or canoe trip on the lake. I can get my camping gear out and ready and spend a weekend out in nature camping and running.

Nature is life's solution to anxiety and stress. It gives me a pause in my busy life, quiets my mind and feeds the soul.

It offers me the chance to feel that connection to the earth, the beings who share this earth with me and God. I can speak to Him in my heart when i am in that quiet place and actually understand what it is He wants me to do. By stilling the mind I can open my ears to what is really around me and what life is about.


I have been an Episcopalian for many years and love being in my church. It is a beautiful thing to also feel that quality of Earth and Heaven when I am amidst God's creation.

My favorite psalm is plasm 23 which starts: "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul."

It shows in that psalm the quiet voice in the forest; the reflection of divine beauty in the surface of a lake. It brings serenity and a love for all that walks upon the ground, flies in the air and swims beneath the waters.

It is Lent right now which is the time of the year when we work to quiet our hearts and our minds to better hear the voice of God. We work to put aside the chaotic lives we live in and look inwards to find our most important truths.

For 40 days we work to lure out distractions and focus on how we can better understand what we are meant to do. Easter will be coming soon and with it the knowledge that we have been forgiven and will continue to be forgiven for our shortfalls and human folly. We are given a great gift.

So I will work to spend as much time in the warmer months to find those peaceful spaces whether alone or with good friends. I will breathe deeply inhaling the sounds and sights around me.

I am very lucky to live in a place now with so many beautiful parks and trails in which to spend my time. I used to live in Chicago which does have some green spaces but where I lived there were way too few. When I first moved here I was unused to the country and it spooked me. Now I know I can never live in a city again. I need these green, quiet spaces.


So now when I am feeling troubled and my mind is whirling around a million miles an hour I will get in my little orange beetle and head out to the trails. My longing will be satiated and my heart will find the special joy in the earth. I will run in the cathedral of the trees. 

Long-distance running and the things I learned from it: hypothyroidism, immune system, overtraining

 I've finally reached a point in my thyroid health that my hormones are at a good level and though I have problems with my knees and hips I am finally able to really get back to some exercise. I will not be doing anymore distance running although I am enjoying walking. I am going back to the YMCA so I can get back into strength training which I am looking forward to doing.

 I didn't know (hindsight is 20/20) that all my distance running may have been damaging my immune system, adrenal glands and thyroid. All I knew back then was I was gaining weight without doing much different. I am the one who went into my doctor saying "I think my thyroid stopped working. I am gaining weight for no big reason." I was not eating tons of sweets, baked goods, fried food, fast food and such yet was still putting on weight and my exercise had been suffering. I could no longer keep up with my friends at running group, had trouble with my muscle strength and was tired all the time. If you have been reading this blog you know my troubles. But not sure you know how they started.

  I like to say I was addicted to distance running but have been clean since 2016. It's kind of a joke and kind of not a joke. I believe I DID get addicted to the high of the long run, the excitement of racing, the hours spent out by myself running and running. I felt like a superhero when I was out there for multiple hours, finished an ultramarathon, marathon or any race. I was addicted to that feeling. Yet I have found through a year and a half of reading and studying that over exercise can lead to all kinds of problems.

• Mood swings
• Loss of muscle
• Increased fat retention
• Long-lasting fatigue
• Afternoon malaise
• Digestive issues
• Disrupted sleep
• Reduced cognitive function
• Depression
• Anxiety

I started experiencing these effects after a long time of training to run long distance races. Feeling the pull of the long runs was almost a physical craving similar to a drug. The long term effects on my knees (already long ago diagnosed with osteoarthritis) and ignoring the continuing symptoms (such as more injuries and decreased performance in my running and races) I kept on doing it.

  Even as a trainer myself I was somewhat oblivious. Because of my success in the past of running long distances and training hard I had this somewhat limited view of myself and my own overtraining and lack of recuperation time.

  I am now at a stage where I am starting over from where I was years ago. My lack of metabolism and other issues has contributed to weight gain. I lost muscle strength and have to start over again increasing my strength and my body's ability to withstand exercise. I have to be more careful of my joints and have learned to listen to my body more closely. I have learned that I want to be active but not overactive and to now engage in moderate exercise instead of constant hard training.
   I am happy that I have a bit more energy now than I did a year or so ago. Though I still have many lasting effects from all that overtraining I feel now I can go back to regular exercise and still be careful with myself so as not to cause further damage to my joints or my endocrine and immune system. The long runs are over and that's okay. I am going to focus on exercise to be good to my body not to push it past it's limits. I will engage myself more in strength training, mind/body workouts and gentle exercise.

  I am grateful to those who have been with me through this time of forced underactivity and my mourning the loss of those long runs, distance races and feeling of invincibility.

Headed back to running soon

   I have had 3 months off of running on doctor's orders. Now I am being given the green light to start small runs. 3 months is the longest I have gone without running since 2011 when I started.
  It is going to be a hard start I am sure. Like the above cartoon I am sure just a bit of running will be hard but the fact I can start again soon fills me with hope and joy. Running is my favorite thing and it has been difficult not to do but I want to listen to my doctor and do what he thinks is best.
  Ultras are not an option for me anymore I don't think. Perhaps that will change but for now it's alright if I don't do another. I had an amazing time doing the ones I did and will never forget it. My doctor told me last week when I saw him at first he wants me to do the elliptical since that is like running but without impact. I have not been a big fan of the elliptical but once again will do what he says.
  I am excited to lace up my running shoes and head out the door. The first run might be hard but I know from past experience it will get better and better. When I get that first runner's high I will be ecstatic. I will be starting a little training for a half marathon in the spring called Run with the Foxes--training with a workout buddy who has been very patient with my rest time and needing to walk instead of run.
  For races that is it. Might change, might not. The most important thing I have learned is to love my body, to take care of it and listen to it's signals so as not to overdo. I have learned a lot in this last 3 months--about my body and it's limits, about my tendency to push myself too hard, about the fact that my friends stick with me even when I am not engaging in the activities they do.
  I am going to make sure this time that I take care of myself--keep my wits about me even when running becomes a bit easier and more fun. I will be happy to just have the option to run if I want to. I will make sure I engage in plenty of other fun ways to exercise--joining the YMCA; taking kickboxing again perhaps; swimming; cycling; lifting weights. If my body amidst all this activity says NO even once I will listen to it. I will stop. No pain-no gain has always been stupid to me.
  I will also have other forms of fun like I have been doing the last few months when I couldn't run. I will get into funny blogs on the internet; watch movies; have FUN on my new job as a barista (which is really fun for me!! Especially as a coffee addict) and just hanging out with my friends on my times off. I will have fun running with BARA and other running friends and I will have fun running alone.




So if you see me running again in the next few weeks--even if I look like I am not enjoying it at the moment?--give me a high five.  :-)

red eye relay

Well did the red eye relay last night. It went fine. My last gasp at running/racing for a long while until things in my system are steadier. Some endocrine system problems, autoimmune issues and such......all a perfect storm to turn a fairly average runner to no runner at all. The biggest reason is just that my muscles and joints hurt more than they used to, it takes me longer to recover from workouts and it's more important to rest well and keep the intensity lower.

And, yes, I walked/slowwwly jogged a little more of it than I had thought I would. Mistake number one was going into a race at all. Sigh. Like the magic mirror that lies my mind told me "You can go there and just walk a few miles and the excitement won't get to you at all."

My mind sucks at truthiness. But now that it's over with I am glad I went. I had fun. I feel I did more than I *should* have but with an easy pace that was practically walking speed.

Now it's time to say goodbye to races until all of this is straightened out. Seeing as some of these problems are long-term if not lifelong it may be a good, long while before I see another one.


I WILL be at races again to volunteer/crew and such but probably not for awhile. I think I need to let that little bit of buzz die down within me first.


In the meantime I will be switching this blog over to "some stuff I saw during my day today". The name won't change but the content will. I can still take and post some nice photos here and my own ramblings but for the runs it will be done for now.

Thanks for all the amazing experiences Life.

How Gratitude Changes Every Day To A Better One

I am feeling so much gratitude lately. I Have been so blessed to have the experiences I have had in the last few years. I finished many goals I wouldn't have thought I could do and the best part is all the wonderful people I have met along the way. Being a runner has changed my life. Becoming a long distance trail runner has changed it even more. The best things it has shown me is that people can be part of your life that you never would have met if it hadn't been for your shared interest in spending all that time out on a trails.

I have so many awesome friends now due to trail running and I wouldn't trade that for the world. They enrich my life every day. Watching them do what they love brings a smile to my face. They are some of the funniest, most authentic people I have met. They keep me smiling.

 I love being out at races and events. I love having people to call up and ask if they want to hit a trail. I am excited that due to my reaching some personal goals last year and this year at IT100 and other events I got to meet some extremely interesting new people and get to watch my friends as they go on to other challenges. I get into major cheering mode when I see people working so hard to achieve these finishes in races and watch how much fun people have.

I think we have friends for several good reasons but one is that when one friend is having some troubles they have other lights to follow. It keeps the heart happier and Life better. I hope that I get to be that light for people sometimes. I Know that I am guided by many lights from my friends every day.

I hope to be able to share and grow with others every day. I hope to be able to shine out in someone's darkness and let them know I care and they are loved at the lowest points. I want to reach out my hands and guide those who need it and be there for others. That is what makes my heart happy. Here is to all those I follow:  Keep it up. Keep doing all the things that make you YOU. I will be here cheering you on.

Life is so much more than what we see every day. The physical is so small a part of the actual story. We are souls that move like dancers through the universe and, like dancers, we can take on others to dance our story with us. I feel I choose very good dancers to be in my life. I have thankfulness every day for the quality of my friends and family and the love there is in abundance.

Whatever is happening now is happening for a reason. There are doors opening all around me. I simply have to keep moving and I will move through one--perhaps many--before my story is done and my deepest wish is that those I have met on this journey will be on the other side as well. Blessings come when we least expect them. The Universe is a Good Place.

Hard decisions are sometimes the best ones

         I decided something now at this point. It was a hard decision for me. I tend to want to follow the adage that "I can do anything I set my mind to". But I need to follow my body's signals. I have osteoarthritis in my knees. It is not on the weight bearing part of my knee (as my wonderful doctor says) so I can continue to run and running itself won't make them worse. However it's the length of the runs that CAN end up making them worse. My doctor doesn't want me to run another 100 and I need to listen to his wisdom.
       I ran the 100 mile last year and finished. I am so happy about that and have no real reason I need to to do it again. I think I just wanted to be that person that can go around running these kinds of races over and over and be fine. But I am not that person and that's fine. I am a good runner. I need to make smart decisions.
       And my decision is not to run the Hennepin Hundred in October. This was a big prize I won at the IT100 race and in the heat of the moment I was excited  to do it. But I did have to take my knee medication after the first loop--already after 17 miles. My knees warmed up and were great for the rest of the 50 miles and felt fine when i got home. In fact I was running after only about 4 days. But I think if I had taken it all the way to the 100 mile I would have ended up with more problems that would have thrown me off course in my exercise and my ultimate health and derail any of my other races I want to do in the coming months.
       I also am tired of training. I have been training for pretty much the last three years off and on. First--training for a marathon, then another, then a 50k, a 60k, a 50 mile and a 100 mile. Then another marathon, another 50k, another 100 mile. And it took up most of my life. I need to at this point step back a little, let myself off the hook some and get back my pure love of running. I want to work on my speed and do higher intensity workouts and can't do that if I am constantly doing long distance training. I am thinking of trying some other kinds of workouts too--martial arts, yoga, go back to the boxing gym. Just be able to mix it up a little and find my joy in workouts and classes.
   So I got to run my 100 mile race--gain a wonderful sense of achievement, a cool tattoo, got to know lots of amazing ultrarunners and gain a vast and varied community and am happy that my single 100 mile race was a tough race I finished and can be proud of doing it. 
  I am now looking at shorter races--ones I don't necessarily have to train for--or not train as much. I am thinking some 5k, 10k, 15k distances, some fun half marathons, maybe a marathon or two. My doctor says I am okay for marathon distance and I am sure since 50k is just a few more miles would be fine with that as well. As for solid plans and signing up for races I am not sure at this point. I am certainly sure that I want to have the ability to run for years to come. I want to take care of myself.

There is a time to push and a time to pull back.
    

IT100 race report

    So last weekend I took on the Indiana Trail 100 for the second time. Last year I finished the 100 miles and it was an amazing experience. This year I went to attempt it again. It was such an exciting atmosphere when I got there on Friday afternoon. The tents were up, the start finish line was all ready for us, there were my friends gathered around to say hi to and talk to and I felt good and ready. I had brought quite a lot of stuff with me. I had been working on planning better for this year.
     The morning of the race I got up at 4:30 am, got my running clothes on ( I had actually slept in the inner layers that night) and found my way to the Indiana Trail Running tent to get myself ready.
     There was coffee to drink and everyone was already gathered around getting stuff ready. So exciting to be getting ready to finally start the race I had been preparing for for the last six months of long runs, strength training, cross-training and mentally preparing for the challenge. I had run long runs in the early morning listening to the birds waking up and singing to me. I had thought a lot of things through on those runs, worked on problems I had in my life, meditated to the sound of my feet hitting the pavement, my heart beating, my breath.
     I got out my cereal to eat but was already running out of time so didn't really get a chance to eat it all. I packed my hydration pack with food and filled my water bottles up and spoken to my mentor and pacer Tiffany before hand. She gave me a pep talk and we took a photo by the start finish line. We all stood there in the dark morning wishing each other good luck, getting geared up to start--all our headlamps lighting up the dark.

      The gun went off and we started out to the grassy area. I was told by Tiffany to think of the grassy part as my fast part and then when the trail got more technical to do my walk/run strategy I had been working on. I had my salt tablets ready to take one every hour, drank regularly every 10 minutes from my water bottle and eat something every 2 miles. I wanted to keep moving and not stop much and I did that successfully. At the aid stations I only got my water filled up, grabbed something to eat that I had decided ahead of time I needed and keep on going. My time at the aid stations I had already worked out to be about 3 minutes so really tried to stick to that schedule.
       I found out already that I wasn't feeling hungry but still grabbed something at each aid station. I also had packed a lot of food but because it was stored in the back of my pack and I didn't want to stop much I didn't end up eating it. I did take my salt tablets as instructed and when I went into the aid stations made sure I already had my pack off and then things I needed to drop off at my drop bag ready to go and a plan for what I needed ahead of time.
       The first lap went great! The trail was pretty dry, I was able to get some good running time in and I made it in just over four hours. I had written down a schedule of when to be at each aid station and was happy I managed to make the times exactly or even a bit early in some cases. I checked my garmin regularly to make sure I was keeping under a 16 minute pace and see when the next aid station was coming up so I was prepared before I got there.
  At the start finish line at the first lap was done I quickly went into the ITR tent and that when I realized I had already became calorie deficient and tried to make sure to eat something. I was helped to rearrange my pack and how the food was put in the front pockets to make sure I had easy access to it and was told in no uncertain terms I needed to eat something every two miles!
      On lap two is when the rain started. I was happy I had worn my nice rain jacket that was provided as part of our package and also I had packed a rain poncho. I was able to keep going pretty steadily despite it and reached the Rally aid station still on schedule. But then the trail began to become very muddy and getting slippery. I had changed from my Salomon Fellraiser trail shoes to my Altras that had no traction to speak of. The reason I had changed them is because the trail shoes had begin to feel heavy to me on the first lap and my feet had started to feel sore. But the only thing is like I said I love my Altras but the bottoms of them are completely smooth so I was slip-sliding everywhere and a couple of times fell in the mud or had to ski riskily down some of the hills. It was also becoming more difficult to get up the hills as they had became mud slides. I grasped trees along the path to help me up the hills and some of the downhills used the trees to hold onto to ease my speed sliding down the mud.
       When I got to Rally aid station I was pleased it was right on time anyway despite the mud. My wonderful friends were there offering me food, asking what I needed, making sure i had my headlamp as by now I was so dazed I was just forgetting everything.  I grabbed some stuff from my drop bag, was told to eat and obediently ate some grilled cheese. I had some soup at the Schoolhouse that was so amazing to me. It is a great thing when you are cold to have some hot soup to warm up your insides. At the Schoolhouse on the way back to the start finish they had turkey burgers and I ate one and it was so good! I was now taking my salt tablets at every aid station to make sure I had them regularly.
      When I got back to the start finish after that lap, however, I was a mess. I had to change into dry clothes as I was starting to get very cold in my lighter clothes and knew that the third lap It would start to become darker and I didn't want to start feeling too cold. I was shaking and had to change my socks and shoes. I was given food to eat, warm soup that I was told to eat all of it. My friends were there and it was so great to see them and they were so sweet--asking me how I was feeling, was anything hurting, did I need anything? Tiffany, my pacer, helped me off with my wet clothes and I grabbed my trekking poles for the third lap. As I went by a friend who was really sailing by he reminded me I had to do this in under 5 hours. I felt very stressed at this point as I knew the mud was going to really slow me down and I really wanted to make the cutoff this time.
      It was not to be. The trekking poles were really a dream come true. I was able to run with them and they helped me navigate the really slippery parts without slipping and falling. They also helped me get up and down the hills easier without having to grab trees.
       However even with the poles and my working my hardest to keep going the mud at this point was so thick and constantly slippery I was unable to make much progress. I began to feel so cold in what I was wearing. I also was starting to feel this kind of dazed feeling like thing were unreal. I was fading inside and feeling sadness. I plodded through the mud and cried many times, feeling frustrated with my lack of progress and watching other runners glide by me and felt like I was not good enough, why did I try to do this when I felt not good enough and watched other runners with pacers so knew they were at least on the fourth lap and here I was struggling through my third.
      It got darker and darker. I felt so alone and tired and dazed. I started to have some weird vision stuff happening too like seeing things flitting through the trees, hearing people behind me but when I turned back there was no one there. I kept going but was freezing, downhearted and had never felt like so much of a turtle runner. It got to be night and I knew it was taking me forever to get to the finish line.
       I plodded on through the darkness all alone. I don't know where everyone went and felt alone and like I would never get to the finish line.  I knew in my heart I was going to drop down to the 50 mile point and it made me feel relieved and sad at the same time. I only wanted to be a good, strong trail runner like everyone else seemed to be and as the other runners ran by me looking so fresh and strong they gave me a "great job". But I didn't feel like I was doing a good job and mumbled "thanks". I appreciated them saying that but I was not truly feeling it.
     It was definitely a very low point for me. I got lost in the darkness a few times. It was utterly pitch black at this point and only my headlamp lighted up the dark woods. I knew I would have my great pacer at the next lap but just felt like I couldn't continue and knew in my heart was not going to make the cutoff again so decided before I even got to the tent I was now a 50 mile finisher. I was so cold and could see my breath and cursed myself not wearing better clothing that was warmer.
      When I crossed the finish line that last lap I was so happy to see my friends there and they gave me big hugs and I tearfully told my pacer who was all ready to help me that I couldn't continue. I felt bad that she had worked with me so hard and felt I had let her down. I felt I had let everyone down but realized also that that was just mostly exhaustion from over 16 hours of movement. I had worked so hard, kept my times at the aid stations short, eaten like I was supposed to but just told her I couldn't do it anymore.
    She was amazing though and just took me by the hand and led me to the tent and said I had gotten through 50 miles of a crazy hard course all by myself and that was awesome and she was proud of me. She led me into the nice, warm, lighted ITR tent announcing "we have a 50 mile finisher here!" and everyone clapped and I immediately felt better. My warm feelings about trail running, ultra running and my effort all came back to me in a moment.
       As my friends told me how proud they were of me, I got off my wet clothes by the fire and was given my 50 mile medal with a flourish I suddenly felt no failure in my efforts, no more self-critical thoughts. It was like the last miserable lap had changed in my mind to a triumph over a serious challenge.
     I sat by the warm fire, given hot coffee to drink, laughed with my friends and felt included and loved and nourished by this community. The love I had for my community of fellow ultra runners and my IT100 family filled me up better than any food ever would.
   I realized in my heart right then that it wasn't the speed or the strength of my running that mattered. What mattered was the love of the people I surround myself, the positive atmosphere in that tent, in these races. That is what brings me back to these events, to these challenges, to this way of life----because there is nothing more satisfying than knowing I did my best and it doesn't matter if I am fastest, strongest, first place or the best. It only is me against myself--the growth that comes with besting a difficult situation--feeling all those dark feelings but being able to deal with them as they come and put them aside when I'm done and fill my heart back up with the warmth and love all around me.
    I adore my life. I love my friends. I couldn't imagine a better way to spend my days and years here on Earth. It only takes one person to change your whole life and that person is YOU.

The role of fat shaming in our society and how we can help

     A couple of weeks ago I was in the coffee line at a function and ran into someone who has known me for years. This very sweet lady was telling her boyfriend that I used to be "a bigger girl"; "plus size". I told the man that I used to be fat. She said she was trying to make it sound better. I said there is nothing wrong with the word. Fat is not a bad word. It's a descriptive word. And I am understanding of her tendency to not want to refer to someone, especially a female, in those terms. Society has taught us that fat is a bad word to use for reference.
    When I was fat I felt shamed a lot for my size. Rather than look at me for who I was I was instead judged by many to be such things as lazy, unmotivated, ugly--in other words--unacceptable. Fat does not equal unhealthy just as thin doesn't equal healthy. I was unhealthy because I was a smoker, unregulated type 2 diabetic, had high blood pressure and high cholesterol--NOT because of my weight. My weight was a part of the picture but not the entire picture. I went to lose the weight not based on looks but on finding a healthier way of living. Feeling better about myself was a side-effect of losing the weight but I also found many things to be true that are dictated by the society we live in and how I was viewed both as a fat woman and a thinner woman.
   When I started to lose the weight and get healthier I was suddenly treated as "an equal". People said how pretty I looked NOW as though there were nothing attractive about me before. The clothing industry rewarded me by giving me a wider choice of clothing when I went shopping. I was able to feel I 'fit in' with others. I had felt beautiful as a fat woman and I felt beautiful as a smaller woman but was only really reinforced when I lost the weight. People didn't ask me how I felt inside--how was my blood pressure, my blood sugar levels, my ability to do more activities? They asked me "How did you lose the weight?".
   I had a podiatrist I once went to find out about my former size and asked me "How did you finally go from being fat and lazy to where you are now?". I had actually never been lazy. I was an active person then. I was a gardener, a hiker, loved to go camping, a fan of dancing and a hard working woman who loved my friends and family and my life. I never went back to that doctor again. I remember when I saw on my medical chart the words "Obese" and how that made me feel inside. The word Obese, again, is a descriptor word however I had internalized that shame from my many years of viewing women in magazines and movies that equated thin with beautiful.

I went to lose the weight when I was told I had Type 2 diabetes. I was motivated to do it not because I felt ugly but because I didn't want to start losing limbs, going blind and dying an earlier death due to my health problems. I had just as many positive qualities as a fat woman as I did as a thinner woman.
   The fat shaming in our society is a sickness and it leads many women-and 10% of men--be feel unworthy and judged due to their size rather than look beyond the physical characteristics to the person as a whole.
  As a trainer I want to instill in my clients and students that they are not the sum of their pounds--that they can accept themselves wherever they are in life and whatever they look like--that being thin is not what being healthy is about. Fitness is not about looks it's about making healthier choices because you want to live longer, feel better and rely less on the medical establishment and more on a holistic view of yourself.
   Focusing on size equals worthiness leads to extremely unhealthy problems for women. These problems like anorexia, bulimia, self-injury and suicidal behaviors due to self-shaming and low self-esteem can be lethal. Anorexia is the most lethal of the mental illnesses. I was lucky in that when I went to get healthier I didn't get sucked into the eating disorder problems. I was able to look at the physical aspects and focus on eating better, regulating my blood sugar and being more active. Many people are not as lucky. 

    Remember that the fat person you see is first and foremost a PERSON. When you make snap judgements based on looks you write off what could be the best friend, lover, partner, parent you will ever meet.

A poem: Tale of the 100 mile journey

The tale of the 100 mile journey

by Heather lake

Here we start a journey

we know not how it will end

bravely taking our first steps to

that twisting trail

we leave our safe havens

pushing our bodily ships to sail

we wind our way hearing

conversations and birds

the wind in the trees

the rustling leaves

the calls of the aid stations

and the care of volunteers

when our feet are planted

on the clay of the woods

we take a moment, rise up and

feel that bit of gift

of life under our feet,

all around us,

in the trees, the flowers, the hills

and creeks

when the rain falls we listen

to it pelt upon the trees

hearing the sigh of the wind

we are one with the breeze

feet carry us through the ebb and flow

our hearts beat as we boldly go

feeling the heat of the sun,

the cool of the rain

pressing on through doubt,

perhaps pain

But darkness comes and the moon glows

lights like tiny fireflies grow

dancing through the glades and hills

all quiet now as sun fades down

the forest dancing all around

flowers glow like little white lights

and everything around feels fey at night.

Pushing on we feel the dance

of life, of heartbeat, of love and chance

each person met greeted with love

praising each hard moment that we rise above

and then, like a wedding guest,

the sunrise comes

glowing and gleaming

a joyous sight

and we know we have finished the night

and to our friends we finish our fight

hugging them and feeling that gift of flight

when we can finally sit and know we did

the biggest thing we have ever done

and now we are all, every one of us, ONE.

IT100 training--coming down to the wire

  Well the big day is drawing nearer and nearer. It has been a long time waiting and training. Though I can be hard on myself that I might not have trained enough or in the right way I am sure that I have done all I can at this point. Only a couple more weeks of training and I start to taper down to the race.
   I have worked on many things that I think tripped me up last year. One, last year I DID spend a bit too much time getting myself together at the aid stations and didn't always have clear objectives when people tried to help me. Some of this was later on when I was just too tired to think but even in the beginning laps I could have been more organized and better able to help the ones who were trying to help me.    
   Two, my nutrition last year was very haphazard. I have never been really great at nutrition. Usually I just bring along some swedish fish (everyone who knows me knows this) and some natural made fruit roll ups and then just snack at the aid stations when i was hungry. WRONG.  Not only is this wasting time trolling the delicious snacks at every aid station and trying to decide on the fly what I am hungry for it also may provide the wrong macronutrients at the wrong time.
      Though the volunteers are awesome and we couldn't do this without them and the food is truly delicious I had to have some kind of plan as to what, when and how I was going to provide nutrients so that I can make quick decisions as I go along and make sure I am staying satisfied in calories and still be able to bypass the food at aid stations--at least not eat every time. There are 6 laps and 3 aid station stops  plus start finish so that is 21 times I am stopping during the race. I think last year that truly hurt my time. 
   So instead this year I am trying a leaner nutrition plan. I put it together with the help of my pacer this year and it worked great at Land Between the Lakes 60k. It is a mixture of Tailwind and honey gels/waffle stingers/shot blocs to carry me through. AT the 100 I will also mix in some real food because I have to do that. But LBL was awesome for a test of this basic plan.
     I sipped the Tailwind every 5-10 minutes and every two miles ate something. I was able to bypass many aid stations...stopping long enough to maybe use the bathroom or drink a little coke, thank the volunteers and run off. Just by doing that I knocked an entire hour off of my time of the same race I ran in 2014. I was able to finish in 8:16 on my Garmin and 9:06 officially and so far my fastest 50k has been over 9 hours. What a difference some planning makes!!
   I have run three back to back 20 mile runs in the last few days. That was to do time on my feet training and also nutrition training again as that seems to be one of my problems areas. The first 20 mile run on Sunday I went pure Tailwind...no gels or food. I found that I got a little tired without some caffeine in a gel or something. So Monday I ran no Tailwind only gels/shot blocs. Again I started to lose energy. This morning I ran with a mixture and it went great! My stomach was growling by the time i got home but that's fine. I didn't feel the need for tons of nutrition as this was 20 miles in town. Much different than 100 miles on a trail!
   I have also been testing out my shoes. I have two different pairs of Altras going. I think I like them both about equally so I am bringing both pairs with me. ALSO a pair of really big open shoes for the finish. (Thanks to Mory!) 
  I am going to be better about packing my needs this year. I am not the best at organization I know that. But I found that by packing individual packs of the tailwind i needed as well as the gels i would need it was easier to grab and go. One thing!!! I am pre-mixing my tailwind and also packing it in a sealed plastic tub instead of a drop bag. At LBL I opened my drop bag at the end of the race and it was full of ants. Apparently (DUH) they like Honey Stinger Gels too!! 
   I had wanted to run the course at least once this year to get the idea of it but it didn't work out. I ran a lot of my training in town. However I have trained for many trail races in town and did fine. The course will be well marked and I have a general idea from last year plus I have viewed a very helpful video to renew my memory. 
   I had some great pacers last year. They both did a wonderful job of handling me when I was tired and sometimes cranky. I applaud their efforts on my behalf. I think this year having the same pacer for the entire last 50 miles is going to be good. I can get accustomed to her way of pacing and we can get a rhythm going for the race. I also last year really could have used a pacer the last lap. By then I was so tired and kind of out of it I really could have used some guidance. The wonderful Jerry Deihl helped me last year prodded me to the end. This year it will be good to have someone consistently with me to get me into the last lap with wind left in my sails. 
 
   All I can say is just that I feel truly lucky and extremely grateful to my ultra running community for being so great to me, so THERE for me and so supportive of me. Terry Fletcher and all at  Indiana Trail Running, BARA, Mike Pfefferkorn, all the other runners from last year, my pacer this year is already supporting me 100% and all of this makes this race all the more special. It will be like a big family reunion with a LOT of running thrown in but also a lot of emotions, laughs, ups and downs, great food, two sunrises, a sunset, beautiful woods and lots of great energy from everyone around. 

  Here is Mory Bailey running me up the finish line at the end of the race last year. Her energy was very much needed and I appreciated her being there and everyone being there at the end. It was a great HUGE thing for me to have finished and I was truly proud to be an ultra runner. I cannot wait to go back!


                         One month left. Almost running up that finish line. Almost.............

Land Between the Lakes 60k--training run sucess!

       I am at a critical point in my 100 mile training. The race is only five weeks away. I had to take a little time off because after my big back to back weekend a couple weeks ago where I did 16 on Saturday and 20 on Sunday the top of my right foot was hurting a bit. I went and got it checked out and no stress fracture so it was just an overuse problem so I rested, iced it, babied it and it got much better. I was nervous, though, as I had to take two weeks off of training and I am usually very strict with myself about my training program. However if I am injured then the races were out completely.
  I showed up to the starting line of the land between the lakes 60k without having really run in two weeks. I have an active lifestyle so I was walking a lot, riding my bike, doing HIIT workouts in my classes and generally all kinds of things but had not had a "scheduled" run in awhile.
  I was also testing a new nutrition plan I am going to follow for the race. It consists of Tailwind, gels and honey stinger waffles and not much else. Tailwind hasn't worked very well before for me but I got some good advice about just how and when to use it and this time it worked. I filled up my hydration pack with 32 ounces of water, added four scoops of Tailwind to it and every lap I refilled it. I also had some gels with me and some packets of baby food at the drop bag site. I had a 16 oz. bottle of regular water as well. The Tailwind had been hard to take before because I had the flavored kind. This time I used the unflavored or "naked" tailwind and it was much better.
   Every 10 minutes I drank some Tailwind. Every two miles or so I took a gel only if I felt I needed one. I was able to run by the aid stations with only stopping to take a couple of Enduralyte pills for electrolytes and sodium replacement and drink a little coke. Otherwise I didn't feel hungry and was able to run by the food. At the drop bag site I would refill my pack with 32 oz of water and four scoops of tailwind, eat a packet of baby food for some "real food" nutrition and then be on my way.
   I was also testing my walk/run strategy. I ran for 25 minutes and then walked for 5 minutes. The times I didn't take a walk break was if I was on a downhill or a nice straightaway because I didn't want to waste a good downhill or run-able part with walking. I walked all the big hills and switchbacks however even when I was walking it was speedwalking--I tried to keep walking pace below 14 minute miles and it worked out about that pace.
  I did eat a little real food at about mile 20. I think it was more for the taste than that I really needed it. But after 20 miles brownies grew hard to resist.
  I also got to negative splits which I really like. By the last 8 miles or so of the race I was speeding up to sometimes 10 minute miles. I felt good the whole race, was passing quite a few runners and didn't feel any pains or aches. I had good energy and was able to keep my mind focused on the task at hand. Having to watch my watch to make sure I drank and ate my gels at the right times really also helped to keep me on point. I also left my phone at the cabin. One--because I tend to lose phones quite easily but two--i didn't want to have the temptation to take photos of the beautiful views.
   Land between the Lakes is a beautiful place to run. The trail winds all around Kentucky Lake and the woods are lovely. The frogs were singing too. I could hear the birds in the trees and the weather was perfect. Overcast, not too hot and the rain didn't start until the last bit of the race and by then I was hot so it was actually the perfect timing for some rain. There was mud--seems there is always mud--but it wasn't too bad. Pretty manageable.
   I finished it in 8:16 on my Garmin time and 9:96 official time which is an awesome time for me. My last 50k was over 9 hours so here I had added on 6 more miles and done it an hour faster. Whoot! I feel so much better about the race now. I feel like my planning is going well and I can get through the aid stations faster and knock off loads of time that way. I think I arranged my drop bag strategy well too to make it quick and not dawdle which I can tend to do.


On to April 30th and the Big Day!!

Long training run: The ins and outs of effort

     So today I had a long training run to do. 25 miles. Training for a goal that is still months away can sometimes be a hard thing to continue to focus on. I do this by writing out elaborate and very specific training plans where each day is laid out for me as to how many miles to do that day, whether to cross-train, weight train or rest. That way I can just look at it and know what I am doing for that day.  I like to joke that my training plan is the "Boss of Me" but really it is. I feel that by following a plan I can really be more fully prepared for the race ahead. 
   The morning started out with every kind of delay you can think of to just get out the door. First I DID get up at 6, had the idea to get out the door by 7 since I knew how long this run would take.  On long run days the first thing i do before anything is get my running clothes on I had set out the night before so I am already mentally in "run mode" before I do anything. The longer I stay in my comfy pajama pants the harder it is to transition to running clothes. This morning, however, I had decided instead of 29 degrees it was perhaps -10. I put on three layers of clothes on my upper body, two pairs of running pants, two pairs of socks...it was crazy. Maybe I just felt cold upon waking but anyway after I had my breakfast I realized I was way overdressed and that is a horrible thing on a long run. You only have two choices: start disrobing extra layers and carry them with you the whole time wrapped around your waist or tucked in somewhere. So I took off one layer and went to check my hydration pack. 
   Hydration pack was missing a piece to the hose. Shit. I looked everywhere for it, squashed the urge to check online to see if i would have to buy a whole new hose or hydration bladder once I realized it was the O ring that was missing. So. No hydration pack. Bummer. It holds a liter and half of water in it which isn't a big deal in town but it also has many very handy pockets and places to stash phone, food, etc... I also (Not a good week for gear) had lost two caps to my water belt bottles so more time was spent looking for two more caps (finally found two more) so I could carry the water in my belt. This meant not any real pockets so i had to re-do my plans for carrying stuff. I have thought of a good way to carry my huge phone now---I tuck it into an arm warmer on my arm rolled up so it tucks in there very nicely so no need to carry it around in my running belt which is getting pretty worn itself. 
   So, okay, breakfast.....then I had to take another layer off because..29 degrees....so I got all dressed in my running clothes and Altras and finally got to head out. As soon as i stepped out I felt ice. Oh oh. Run in to get on my trail shoes which have the nice rubber nobbies on them and also my yaktrax for the ice. Outside. Ready to go. Forgot my hat. DAMMIT! Got up at 6--left the house at 8:20. Oh well. 
    The ice was a challenge and I had to go pretty slowly and keep a special look out for shiny parts that meant ICE. The traction on my Salomon Fellrunners really helped i think even more than the yaktrax but, still, had to go fairly slowly. I have also started Maffetone training again which, unlike the usual method of 220-age for max heart rate, is 180-age and then add or subract a bit of points for such thing as recent injuries, running mileage, etc..i had been running pretty consistently high mileage without any injuries so I added a few points making my heart rate max on the program 141. I found, to my happy surprise, that the Maffetone Method really works as well as they say. I was able to stay well under my heart rate while still maintaining my generally usual pace. In an un-icy environment it would have been even better. 
    I have also been practicing a race technique wherein I run 17 minutes, speed walk 3 minutes, then run 17 min, speed walk 3 minutes. I happen to be a pretty fast walker so can usually keep up about 14 minute mile and have had on good advice this would be a good way to do the run/walk intervals for the 100 mile. I have actually started working on a strategy for the 100 miler that has to do with walking/running that I think might work in my favor and help me to get my time in under 30 this year....hopefully a pretty good amount under 30 if I work very hard and am dedicated and persistent. 
   I get a lot of thinking done on these long runs and sometimes run through a lot of emotions. I have so much time to myself that get a lot of things worked out. This is another reason I love endurance training---it really gets me in touch with myself--how I feel about things, what I have been worried about, things I want to do and see and what I want for my life. Big, deep thoughts but also little thoughts about my friends, my work, stuff I need to get done, snippets of poetry or music. It's good to have that time alone to just process. 
   It was about 2 1/2 hours into the run I started to feel a run-down feeling. I had my gummy fish for some quick sugar and also some honey sticks but felt I needed some coke and maybe a tiny bit of real food as by now it was already 11 am. So I veered off to burger king, got a small coke and some chicken nuggets, ate and then was on my way again. I felt revived by the food and sugar in the coke and so my pace was a little better and I felt better. 
   I kept up the 17/3 and occasionally picked an entire mile to speed walk it. That was good. It gave me a bit of variety. 
   I ran all over town, from the rail trail up the B-line to then grab walnut to 14th street then over to the college a bit, then hit downtown for a little bit, caught the B-line went up to 11th st....and so on. My Garmin beeped..shit running out of battery power...and I Had charged it up all night. Hoping it would withstand the rest of my run I also put on the Strava app on my phone just to make it up so i could then add everything together and get exact mileage. 
  I got near home, finally, 5 1/2 hours later at 25 miles. Because I am me I decided I wanted to run an extra mile and get in my own personal "marathon" so I ran a bit more. Wouldn't you know it. Garmin died at 25.66 but I know I was more than a third of  a mile until home so I am counting it. 

 Specifics of training run:

Shoes: Salomon Fellrunners
Gear: Nathan Hydration belt with two 9 ounce bottles for water
Nutrition:  Egg sandwich, banana for breakfast, honey sticks, gummy fish, chicken nuggets, coke
Hydration: about 30 oz. of water, no electrolyte drink
Pace: Variable depending on iciness of terrain and whether running or speed walking
Training specifics worked on during the training run:  Maffetone Method training; 17/3 interval training; Time on my Feet; nutrition timing. 

The joyful side of winter training

   It's always hard at the beginning of a long training cycle that you know is going to last several months. I have to break it down into weekly tidbits to avoid getting overwhelmed looking at all the miles, training and heavy lifting (both physically and mentally) to keep it up and keep going eve during those cold mornings when the blankets feel like heaven but i have 21 miles to run that day. Even on those Friday nights when I could stay up late reading or being online and instead have to hit the hay early so I can be up at the crack of dark to start my long run. Thinking about biting cold, snowy mornings, running through cold rain and early dark times. 
  I happen to be the kind of idiot who signs up for very long early spring races which means I train through the winter. While everyone is hunkered down in warm houses drinking hot tea and watching "Downtown Abbey" I am getting ready for the next day's cold run. 
  But you know what? I wouldn't change it for anything. I embrace the suck, as they say. And I know that the reward will be worth it all. I remember a friend on a long run saying, as I was training for my first marathon, "suck it up buttercup" (you might know who you are if you are reading this).  I never forgot that. I paid for the Privilege of being able to run this many miles. I remember all those who are in their houses because they are sick or tired or unable to do the things I love to do. They may dream of running out in the wild woods for hours and hours and feeling that ultra tired and accomplished feeling but cannot. 
    I feel LUCKY--whether that sounds weird to some--to go out into the cold morning with my headlamp on bundled up like a snowman and listen to that absolute snowy early morning peace. The calm of the world at that time..the silence..is like a church sanctuary. The lights along the streets of Bloomington shining in that delicate iridescence like far away moons becomes my mental state. I start to dream and drift a little while I run those early mornings. The miles fade away and all I can hear is the crunch of snow under my feet, my breathing in and out. All my anxieties of the week disappear with each breath. Anything that is bothering me emotionally or mentally disappears like the wisp of snowflakes I might see fall like slow gentle rain. 
  They say you can never be truly ready for change. Yet life is change--all the time. If things didn't change they would stagnate and die. But to be evolving through hard work, ethical behavior, responsible living, joyfulness in the beginning of the self learning to BE itself---that is the best thing in life. 
  So I make my training cycle on a piece of paper, make three copies and post it all over my house. I keep track of my miles on my calendar so I know which weekends to do what mileage. I start to include cross-training, hill training and speed workouts. I work on my long runs---I change my terrain, my footing, I re-evaluate my gear and make changes as I see fit. 
   And it makes the winter pass with so much more gentleness and courage. I find myself smiling at strangers who look cold and miserable but they may see me (remembering my early morning running homily) smiling at them and perhaps their day goes a little better. I can bring that energy into my work week, my time with family and friends, my day to day challenges and face them with a brighter outlook. 

And it's all due to that day-in, day-out schedule of workouts, runs, long runs and rest days.