The joyful side of winter training

   It's always hard at the beginning of a long training cycle that you know is going to last several months. I have to break it down into weekly tidbits to avoid getting overwhelmed looking at all the miles, training and heavy lifting (both physically and mentally) to keep it up and keep going eve during those cold mornings when the blankets feel like heaven but i have 21 miles to run that day. Even on those Friday nights when I could stay up late reading or being online and instead have to hit the hay early so I can be up at the crack of dark to start my long run. Thinking about biting cold, snowy mornings, running through cold rain and early dark times. 
  I happen to be the kind of idiot who signs up for very long early spring races which means I train through the winter. While everyone is hunkered down in warm houses drinking hot tea and watching "Downtown Abbey" I am getting ready for the next day's cold run. 
  But you know what? I wouldn't change it for anything. I embrace the suck, as they say. And I know that the reward will be worth it all. I remember a friend on a long run saying, as I was training for my first marathon, "suck it up buttercup" (you might know who you are if you are reading this).  I never forgot that. I paid for the Privilege of being able to run this many miles. I remember all those who are in their houses because they are sick or tired or unable to do the things I love to do. They may dream of running out in the wild woods for hours and hours and feeling that ultra tired and accomplished feeling but cannot. 
    I feel LUCKY--whether that sounds weird to some--to go out into the cold morning with my headlamp on bundled up like a snowman and listen to that absolute snowy early morning peace. The calm of the world at that time..the silence..is like a church sanctuary. The lights along the streets of Bloomington shining in that delicate iridescence like far away moons becomes my mental state. I start to dream and drift a little while I run those early mornings. The miles fade away and all I can hear is the crunch of snow under my feet, my breathing in and out. All my anxieties of the week disappear with each breath. Anything that is bothering me emotionally or mentally disappears like the wisp of snowflakes I might see fall like slow gentle rain. 
  They say you can never be truly ready for change. Yet life is change--all the time. If things didn't change they would stagnate and die. But to be evolving through hard work, ethical behavior, responsible living, joyfulness in the beginning of the self learning to BE itself---that is the best thing in life. 
  So I make my training cycle on a piece of paper, make three copies and post it all over my house. I keep track of my miles on my calendar so I know which weekends to do what mileage. I start to include cross-training, hill training and speed workouts. I work on my long runs---I change my terrain, my footing, I re-evaluate my gear and make changes as I see fit. 
   And it makes the winter pass with so much more gentleness and courage. I find myself smiling at strangers who look cold and miserable but they may see me (remembering my early morning running homily) smiling at them and perhaps their day goes a little better. I can bring that energy into my work week, my time with family and friends, my day to day challenges and face them with a brighter outlook. 

And it's all due to that day-in, day-out schedule of workouts, runs, long runs and rest days. 

 

Why I love Tecumseh

      Running Tecumseh Trail Marathon has become a much-looked forward to yearly event for me (except last year when I did it in January AND October). There are SO many reasons that I have taken to Tecumseh in some very spiritual ways and why I do it every year without fail. 
       In 2012 I was still a very fresh endurance runner. I had only just started running the year before and had been training for it with some of my best new friends. The long runs leading up to it, the prep work was some of the most fun times I had ever had. I got to make new friends in the process of training for my second marathon. 
   

      I remember a particularly great training run with my friend Melanie. It was fun. It was relaxed and friendly. We took lots of photos. Cute photos. The trails were lovely and the day was perfect. 
     The first time I ran it there were so many friends there I felt surrounded by love and affection. It was like a party. Friends, food and beautiful trails. What more could you ask for? The weather that day was absolutely gorgeous!! I kept running into friends along the way at exactly the moment I needed them. Chris Banal was waiting at the top of killer Indian hill taking photos with a big smile. At one point Maria and Rachel were there with oranges. Magic! Later on I ran into a small tribe of hashers (Rebecca and friends) who gave me a bit of beer and a big send off to the final miles. 
   And finishing was a triumph!! I felt like a superhero! I felt I could run forever on that beautiful day! (well no my legs felt like jello but my spirit was definitely up for more trail running. Go spirit go! I'll meet up with you later)
    Then after there was a fire, beer, food, more photos, just having fun being together. I never forgot any of it. 

That is why Tecumseh is my favorite race. It reminds me I am never alone...that there is love always around me...that my spirit is always sharing that love and I can keep my friends close even when they are not actually here. The trails keep me happy. My friends keep me sane. 

LET'S GO GET THOSE HILLS!!!!!!


 

When I Run: A poem

When I run I feel like I could run forever
         The world is sunlight and flowers---
a grand panorama of humanity and life.

When I run I feel like the ground beneath me
         disappears and my body is a machine.
There is nowhere else I want to be,
         My thoughts are not on things I've done wrong,
past mistakes, present worries, anxieties or how much I miss
        the people I have left behind or who have left me.
   

I am one with the sun and moon.
         I am part of the great book of life
and I can contribute a page.

When I run I am lost in my world
       The rest fades away like dew on grass,
I only feel the sun on my back, the wind in my face,
       the rain on my neck, the fierce cold, the soft snow,
the road, the trail, the hill up ahead.

When I run I am fully present
I am not in the past or future.
I am part and parcel of the wildness of life.
I am a body and mind as one----
     nothing I feel is borrowed. It is all me.

When I run I am not running away from things.
        I am running towards a better tomorrow----
full of promises, happiness and dreams.

I can fully believe in my heart--when I run---
    that things will finally work out,
that I am destined for more than I think,
    that the world is my own.


I am not only me. I am the child being tucked in at night safe. I am the hungry girl being fed. I am the woman laying her head down on a soft pillow at the end of a long day. I am a hot bath, a comfortable shoe, a long-awaited dinner with friends. I am comfortable and comforting. When I run I think of my family, my friends, the love I have given and give now, the love given to me and given now, my good fortune at having enough to live a good life, my freedom from addiction, from abuse, from being a stranger in a strange land.


These...all these things......happen when I run.

Heather Rose

I want to run a 100 miles again next year!!

     The minute I ran down this last stretch of the Indiana Trail 100 last year I knew I wanted to do it again in 2016.  I had worked very hard, was so proud of myself, felt so great with all the support and encouragement behind me. The cutoff was 30 hours and I pushed myself to the limit, with Jerry Diehl's support as well as the support of my two pacers Keith Miller and Alicia Rich, to finish on time. 
    It rained most of the day--my twitter name is not Badweathrheathr for nothing--and the way was slippery, muddy and sticky. It made for a very difficult time getting to the end of the race but it was way worth it to see that finish line sign for the last time and go through it.
  Many of you who have been reading this blog now know about my long journey from serious health problems, obesity and mental illness to come to this place and how much running, especially long distance trail running, has changed my life, cured my mind and emboldened my heart. It has also given me the gift of all of you--my true and honored friends. My supportive family. The people in my life who make my life the best it can be and who help me on my journey every day. In this photo I am running with one of my many supporters, Mory Bailey, who is the BEST person to have at a race, as she helps run me up the hill to the final finish line. 
   Last year I was so happy I finished but had really, really, really wanted and been excited for that 100 mile buckle. I was one minute too late over the 30 hour time limit. The people at the race were wonderful and I couldn't ask for a better crew to help me afterwards. 

 This coming year I have some more important goals to achieve and I believe that goals are what keeps us moving in a positive direction with our lives, not living in the past but looking towards a better future. One BIG goal is to run the IT100 again next year and this time to win my buckle by beating the 30 hour cutoff time. I am excited about the chance to once again challenge and test myself beyond what I was ever dreaming of being able to do with my life. Years ago a 5k would have been a huge challenge and now I am looking forward to doing another 100 mile race. 
   The reason I love running long distances (and many ask me this) is that when I am running a long, long time I get the motors in my mind running and I solve a lot of my personal problems that way. My feet are my therapist and my long runs are my time on the couch. I spill out all my secrets to myself and have time to work through them while I people watch, eat snacks and enjoy the feeling of my body doing this awesome thing. And every time I break a  new distance, cross a new finish line, learn a new skill my mood disorder shrinks further and further away like a bug in the light. My moods are better, my heart is happier and my life is just purely BETTER. 


I am turning 46 next month and for my birthday I am running my 8th marathon--The Fox Valley Marathon--in St. Charles where my family live. I plan to cross a finish line of a marathon on the first day of being 46 and then celebrate by eating all the birthday cake I want with a family I love. And that will be the first of many races as a 46 year old distance runner. 


                                                                PEACE                         

My thoughts on my unofficial finish of the IT100

   So I finally got around to checking out my results on the IT100 page for the race last April. I finished a minute late and past the cutoff for the Indiana Trail 100 mile race and so have an "official DNF (did not finish)". This was upsetting to me for a couple of reasons. One, because it had been such a HUGE thing to me to finish this race and had been a gigantic step in my own development as a person I wanted it officially noted but also because I felt stupid for letting something like that upset me. It is only three letters (DNF) and it is only an official thing. It means little in the great scheme of things. I DID Finish. I DID make it to the end and cross that line. I made so many wonderful new friends and felt so much more powerful inside for having done it. Why did that make me feel bad for even a second??
   I think it's because I wanted the credit and, really, that's stupid. There were many people who were truly unable to finish that weekend and would have loved to finish it--credit or not. I felt small inside when I felt that disappointment in myself. I think sometimes I get caught up in the "official" times and external rewards.....I love my race medals because they are a concrete way for me to remember the event and all that happened during that event. I love being able to wear my race gear. I think sometimes that the extrinsic rewards are easier to hold onto than the intrinsic ones----the feeling of accomplishment, the idea that I was able to change things for myself, the journey itself from starting to run at all up to finishing the 100 mile event, the host of friendships and contacts I made that have made my life deeper and more authentic than ever before---yet the rewards inside are SO much more than anything outside could be.
    Since finishing the IT100 I have found reserves inside me I hadn't found before. I feel stronger in a million ways. I have so many friends and running companions who I treasure for their perseverance and support. So I look onto the page and see DNF and why does that hurt me? That is when I feel small. I need to remind myself that it's only the clock that beat me...and that by only a minute.

 I am going to sign up again. I am going to run the 100 mile again. I will remember what I did last time so this time I can hopefully finish again and get in under the clock. But also, I am going to remember this:



            If I finish it is enough. If I work hard and have an amazing experience and meet all kinds of new people that is the real reward. If I respect all the work I put into this race it is enough and more. 

And I will remember all the other things that came with the race:  My friend who gave me his hard-won buckle and shook my hand; all the friends who helped me during and after the race; my buddies who came out to cheer; my family being proud of me; the pacers who put in the hours on that course with me; the great time I had; the respect I feel inside myself; the respect I feel for all those who did this race and, finished or not, put in the work and tried their very best.


Official results are just that: They cannot take away my finish. They cannot take away my happiness at having done it or that it makes me feel so good. 

Calling it quits on Kettle Moraine 100

 


After the Indiana Trail 100 I was in a state of bliss that i had done it, been successful in such a huge goal and how it had impacted so many people. I felt like there were others who were inspired by my efforts and it made me happy to be a part of that.
   My life as a trainer and instructor is to be sure i push when needed but not to harm. The old macho quotes  "No Pain, No Gain" or "Pain is weakness leaving the body" is not the way to be successful in a continuing athletic endeavor. Sometimes you have to just say no. When I signed up for Kettle Moraine I was still flying high although as soon as I signed up for it I thought "What am I doing?" For the first couple of weeks after IT100 my left knee hadn't been right. I think it was all the twisting and turning in the mud that wrenched around my patella where the arthritis is. Usually running doesn't hurt my knees. Yes when I am done with a very long run it is icing time and then it gets better for the next run. But after 30 hours of hard running in the mud my knee had had it for awhile.
   I already somewhere inside knew I was pushing it for myself. I actually decided NOT to tell most people what i was doing because I didn't want to be told "NO" even though had I been thinking my inner self would have screamed it at me however I had hushed that part of me and said "IT will be okay. I will run one good weekend after it feels a bit better then rest it."  It didn't ever quite get better though. Though running rarely hurt it which is another reason it is my sport of choice, things like stairs; jumping exercises, plyometrics and anything where I had to repeatedly bend my knee was bothering it. I was biking with no problem, swimming, feeling pretty good but not 100 mile good and I had only run 22 miles the whole month.
  I kept it all wrapped up, not only physically, but also figuratively. I didn't want most of my friends to know I was trying this again only a month after the last one. Pretty bad when you can't tell your friends or doctor what you are doing. My knee doc has been amazed what I have accomplished and to tell the truth running long distances doesn't usually bother me at all. I feel good, I am happy, I am at peace. IT's when I get my best thinking done, I love the runner's high and, especially at races, I get a thrill from all the excitement and energy. I wanted that again.
    The time approached and I had only had one good back to back weekend all month. It was hard to remember that I was not an indestructible force no matter how much I wanted to be and that pushing too hard now might end my trail running, and ultrarunning, career.

 So, bracing myself, I said NO to KM. So hard and I wanted to be there but even volunteering if I couldn't run the race I knew it would be very difficult to be there.

I know there will be more adventures to come, more trails to run, more people to meet and many more chances to challenge myself.

It's not saying NO it's just saying NOT RIGHT NOW.     

Indiana Trail 100

The IT100 was an amazing race for me. I had been training for it for months and was nervous about it for a month before it. In my heart I thought for sure I could do it but in my head was worried I had not trained hard enough or done enough to finish. I arrived there early in the afternoon on Friday to set up camp and get my packet. Packet pickup was great because I got to see and spend time with some very good friends some of whom were running the race and some of whom were either pacing or volunteering their time to help us achieve our goals. 

   Mike and the others working on the race had worked very hard and the course did a wonderful job of prepping the trails for us. The roots were painted pink for us to see them better, there was hay on the ground in some of the more slippery places and pink flags everywhere so we could always see where we were going. Very well maintained and well marked.

    I had my little tent all set up and was feeling like it was pretty cozy. My friend had loaned me some things like sleeping bags and camp stove which I didn't end up using and I had all my things including my foam roller ready to go. 

   That morning I got up at dawn. It was hard to get up because the sleeping bag was so warm and toasty but finally I got up, got my gear and clothes ready and started out towards the starting line. As usual I was up to the last minute going to the bathroom and things and got to the starting line right as it started. A few race announcements from Mike and we were off on our day and night adventure.

  

   It wasn't raining when we started off. I had my headlamp on and we were hoping it would hold off for awhile. It started in around 8 or 9 I would say although I didn't have a watch with me (my garmin had already died the night before).
  I had brought my big orange rain poncho with me and stuffed it into the back of my hydration pack. It really came in handy! During the day I kept pulling it out to wear and then stuffing it back into my pack when the rain let up for awhile.
  The morning was chilly and I had woken up feeling a huge chill in the air so I put on everything basically I had to keep warm. A mile in I knew I had overdressed which is a bummer on a long trail run because then you need to tie your clothes around your waist or give up some clothing so you can run. I had to leave some clothing behind at an aid station.         

I ran the first loop pretty fast. I was taking run/walking breaks but when I walked it was speed walking. I was trying to save what I could for the later laps. I finished my first loop in 4:13 which was crazy fast for me. My second loop it has been 8:30 hours I had been running. I wasted probably too much time at some of the aid stations changing clothes, putting on my blister cream and such. I was actually told at one "Don't mean to kick you out but you have a time limit." I hurried and finished putting on my dry socks and then was off again. I had some gels and a little bit of food with me. I took in the gels for awhile but by the third lap they were making me feel nauseous.

I was so amazed by all the attentiveness of the aid station volunteers. Every time I came into one they were saying "what can I get you? Do you need your pack refilled? Want some of this or that?" And wow did they have some good food! Perogies and soup, jelly beans and pretzels. At one they gave me some pickle juice to drink. That may seem weird but the sodium in it is really helpful. I had been taking my Endurolytes so was not too bad on sodium but every little thing counts when you are going a long distance.
   I ran into so many nice people also on the trail. I ran with Charles Momon for awhile which was nice. I met people and heard their stories as we ran along. I hopscotched people as you do and so got to visit the same faces and check in with them regularly.
   The Indiana Trail Runner tent was wonderful! They had a fire, some delicious potato soup and my friends Erin and Chris who were so attentive to me when I came in from my loops. They just said "Tell us what you need and we will do it for you. We are here to take care of you."  That made me feel so good!
  I was not able to eat for awhile but then tried the magic of Gin Gins at one of the aid stations courtesy of my friend Alicia. She said it would calm my stomach and I could eat for awhile. She also told me to change clothes next time I came around the start/finish line. I did as I was told and felt much warmer. I hadn't realized even with the poncho I was still getting very wet and it would soon be getting later and colder. The mud was really hard to deal with. At times it was the shoe sucking mud which made it hard to get through and then there were sections which were really slippery and you had to be on the top of your game to keep from sliding right down the gully next to you or just sliding down into the mud. I couldn't believe i only fell one time during the entire race! But Mike and the volunteers had very nicely put hay down on some of the more slippery parts which was a much needed, and welcome, addition.
   The night fell. I grabbed my first pacer Keith and we were off for the fourth loop. By now I had finished my first 50 miles. The wet and mud were really bad and I had taught myself the art of "Mud Skiing" which was sliding down the muddy slopes as though I was skiing through snow. It helped me with a little speed and also was easier than trying to inch my way down. Kieth and I had some great conversations and it was nice to make a new friend. He helped me a lot. Also before we left the ITR tent my friend Erin had given me some jelly beans to eat. My favorite!
   I put on my headlamp and then on the fifth loop I picked up my second pacer Alicia. She was great! She got me moving and kept me moving even when I was hurting and would probably have slowed down more on my own.She went ahead of me so I had someone to follow and would say to me "Can you do a little surge and catch up to me?". And lo and behold I was able to do that! When I was getting tired and forgetful she would remind me I needed to eat or drink something. She kept me busy with conversation and made me laugh so hard at some of her comments. I learned some great pacer strategies in case i ever want to try to pace someone myself.
   When I came up to meet Alicia I was happily surprised to find my friend Ashley waiting for me to cheer me on and give me a big hug. It was so great of her to come out in the middle of the night (!!!) to see me. The aid stations were now getting some amazingly good food and I tried to eat more than at that point I wanted to so I could keep up with my calorie use and making sure to drink enough so I could remain hydrated.
   The night wore on and I was starting to have the fabled hallucinations people had spoken of on some of the facebook groups. At one point I was sure I was either seeing the space station up in the sky or a UFO. I also thought at one point the grass on either side of the trail looked like snow because it looked so white to me in my headlamp. Besides that I thought I was keeping my wits about me pretty well. I felt focused most of the time....only getting quiet or spacing out a little when I got too tired to think of anything to say.
   I finished the loop and the morning came. I had been having some problems on the fifth loop with my right shin and my right knee. For some reason everything on my right side was having problems. It was probably because I was using that leg to be my pushing leg and it got a lot more work. The morning was beautiful. I was so tired by that time though I was just trying to get through that last loop. I felt in pain a lot and felt I was going so slowly. It seemed to take forever to get through certain spots and I was certainly tired of mud!
   As I came into one of the spots on the trail leading up to the schoolhouse for the last time the course sweeper, Jerry, found me and stayed with me. He reminded me, as Alicia had, to keep moving. I wanted that buckle so kept going not stopping much at aid stations, pushing myself to run even though I was hurting. My right knee was feeling it especially on the downhills but I found something in myself to hit 12-14 minute miles in the last couple of miles to try to reach the finish in time. Jerry would say "Good form, nice arm motion, good breathing, you can do this. Push a little harder. You want that buckle!" I did push myself and we came around the corner leading to the beach.
  At this point a wonderful lady came bursting out of nowhere to rush me on to the finish. She told me to breathe, concentrate and led me all the way up to the start/finish. Once again....I was awed by how great the people were I came in contact with! I ran up the finish line with my buddy Mory there to run the last bit with me. As I passed the finish line I collapsed in her arms and wept.It had been such an emotional race for me and the last lap trying to beat my time had been the most emotional part. I was feeling so tired but grateful for all the help during the race and towards the end and was happy it was time I could actually sit down soon! I was overcome by emotion. I met several people who were teary about my finish and told me how I was an inspiration to them. Terry and Debi gave me a nice ITR shirt for a reward for sticking with it. I got to talk to Mike and he told me it didn't matter if I had a buckle or not I had done it!
  

Here I am running down the home stretch to the finish line with Mory. I was still trying to beat that clock but by now knew I was just a minute late. Though in some ways that made me a little frustrated with myself (saying to myself if I hadn't spent so much time here or there or had pushed myself a little harder I could have....." but realized that I had run 100 miles and it was a crazy wonderful accomplishment for someone who just a few years ago couldn't run around the block!

 Just ONE pair of shoes from the race. Look at all that mud! I had to change shoes once because of mud and soon after these started to look exactly the same.

So I finished my 100 miler! I was proud of myself. I thought then though I would not want to try a 100 mile race again. Today, though, I am looking at races. (Isn't that always the way?) 

DO those with mental illness run Ultras??

  

 Do those with mental illness run Ultras?

   I have been researching online whether those with serious mental illness participate in Ultramarathons. I have found no mention beyond that exercise is good for depression (which it IS) but not about mental illness and ultrarunning combined. 

    Is this something that isn't done for some reason or another?? Or is there just no good documentation surrounding it? I would say with all my online research it seems as though there is no precedence for this. I would love to be proven wrong and have someone quote me some article or something but so far I have found zero about it. 
   I know that those with mental illness run endurance events. Yet how is there no research on how this affects their mental state especially in an endurance event such as a 100 mile run in which you are required to remain somewhat alert and functioning for sometimes over 26 hours at a time. This may be difficult for someone with a mental illness to complete. I say "difficult" and not "Impossible" because I know whether or not it is broadcast there are those who DO accomplish it. 
   The problems I can see with this are pretty basic to those with any kind of illness: Medication and side effects from medication making it difficult. Much of the medication prescribed to those with mental illness is sedating. That is done on purpose really to keep not only the symptoms but also the anxiety at a lower level plus help with sleep. The problem is that many of those with mental illness need sleep meds to feel restful or medications they take at night that are 24 hour lasting to see them through the next day of symptoms. So the issue is one of medication compliance in view of having to spend the night awake and alert the sleeping medication cannot be taken during the event. 
   That brings us to the medication that is extended release so it is taken at night but lasts throughout the next day to alleviate symptoms. If the meds are not taken the night before the person may be liable to be more symptomatic the day after on top of being exhausted from the exertion of the run. The timing of morning medication, should that be an issue, is also a factor. These things can be done. A night of missing medication usually is not going to ruin someone's mental health. The night following you can just pick up where you left off and go from there. The morning medication can be taken at the near end of the race that following morning. 
   Another thing to consider is fatigue and how that can play havoc with someone's mental state who is not diagnosed with anything and how that is multiplied in those with mental/emotional problems. When fatigued the mind is not able to stay as sharp even in healthy people and so can lead to strange thoughts, even hallucinations, during an all day and all night event. While this may not completely unhinge those who have not had these problems before it can be seriously worrisome to those that suffer from these problems already.        
       Fatigue can make the mind do funny things. And on top of not having the medication in their system to calm themselves it may lead to an episode. I believe the pacers must be made aware, especially those pacing at night, that the runner has a medical problem which may lead to an exaggerated affect different from those without those problems. That way the pacer can be prepared should the runner begin to suffer in some way different from the usual ultrarunner fatigue-related "events" during the night.
   That being said this doesn't mean those with mental illnesses cannot run these events but just need to be aware themselves, and make crew and pacers aware, that they may need extra help during the race. And pacers need not fear of any harm to themselves or that the person will go completely haywire on them. Obviously the runner has done much training and many long runs and know themselves and how they react to the circumstances and if they are able to handle any and all symptoms which may occur. 
    It is frustrating, though, not to find mention of it or any advice for the runner on if there are special things to be aware of on the long, long haul of a 100 miler. I guess the best thing is to be as prepared as any other runner, to remember that you have trained for this and to make sure you keep a positive mental attitude that even though this is by no means a common thing according to The Internet it is not an impossible thing. 
   To end on a good note: Those with mental health issues may be more suited to some of the extra hardships during the night. If you look at it from the perspective that they have been through worse times and have learned how to alleviate their symptoms they might be at an advantage when the mind gets tired and begins being "inventive". They may have tools that those who have not had this illness do not such as mental strategies, mindfulness training and experience "ignoring" the strangeness which might go on.

Taper crazies: 100 times more crazy for a 100 miles

I have what is known in distance runner's circles as "the taper crazies" This is when you have trained for months and months running crazy long runs, late night runs, practicing for the big race and then a couple of weeks or so before it have to slow down/stop your training. When you have spent most of the last 5 months training for a big race like a 100 mile then when you are NOT training is when the crazies come out. Suddenly you have too much time on your hands. You start to look around your house and start to see problems that you didn't see before. You line and organize the kitchen drawers, go back and forth on your race plans, think seriously about faking a big sick day to get out of it, scour the weather channel as the days get closer;make lists of things you need for your drop bags then throw those lists away and make new lists. 
    You scour things online to see if you have missed anything in your training, you start to doubt if you have done enough. It is the time of internet creeping of Ultra pages and "how to run 100's" pages and seeing all the things you could have done better and differently. It is a time when worrying is an everyday occurance and feeling like you have made a grave mistake in judgement sits there in your face. 
   You try to find things to fill the time, getting your gear squared away, making travel arrangements, writing blogs about your cats, anything to get your mind away from the fact that in two weeks time you will be lining up at the starting line of a race that can take anywhere from 24 hours (RIGHT!) to 30 hours. You realize you will be running at night when you are tired, running when hungry and probably dealing with very dark "Nights of the Soul" while you are out there. It is inevitable that you will go through several thousand emotions in that amount of time. Heck I do that sometimes on an ordinary day!
   I got some Stephen King books from the library today. I like Stephen King. He is easy to read and I don't have to think much. I can dive into a story and forget stuff for a bit. Even though I am having trouble eating much at least I can read. I do force myself to eat because the muscles need it but food is some days the last thing on my mind right now. 

The only thing to do is muddle through the next two weeks, line up at that starting line and hope for the best. I have friends who will be there with me. I have the training behind me. I have the most interesting, hardest, amazing thing I will ever do in front of me. I just have to stay the course. 

And perhaps organize the hall closet. 

My (almost) 60K--Adventure!!!!

         I wanted to do a 60K today. I hadn't been able to make the LBL 60K so I thought I would do one myself. The first photo is me at the beginning of my day-long journey all over the place! This was at 7am as you can see from my headlamp it was still dark out.
     I ran down S. Walnut street which turned into Walnut street Pike and was THAT ever a mistake!! No shoulder to speak of, sidewalks that dwindled to nothing, cars EVERYWHERE. I had to spend much of my time watching and listening for traffic and running along yards which I don't like to do as I don't want to piss off any homeowners. 
     I ran on...my goal was Fairfax and it seemed a lot farther than I thought it would be. I turned and saw the Speedway and that was pretty cool. I ran along an old stone fence. I had brought not only my hydration pack but then had jury-rigged my running pack on the back of it with safety pins, straps and prayers it wouldn't bump up and down all day and drive me nuts but because it was such a long way I felt I needed some extra food (2 peanut butter/jelly sandwiches, some crackers, swedish fish, sports beans and jelly beans for quick sugar). I also packed some changes of clothes in there which came in handy!
   I passed by Smithville and came upon this old store with these really old gas station pumps. I had to stop and take a picture of the pumps and the store. 

The pumps and store were along a little street called 2nd avenue in Smithville. They were so cute!     
I ran along Fairfax which had a pretty large shoulder which was good because traffic was booming. I pulled over as much as I could and with some particularly aggressive looking vehicles went all the way up into people's yards or into the sides of fields so I could definitely get out of their way!   The sun was shining and so I stopped and changed into my singlet. Was that a mistake! The wind blew up and was really chilly so I stopped once again and put my long sleeves on. 
     The next thing I came upon was a very strange little place called the Smithville Railroad Museum. IT had lots of interesting, sometimes creepy stuff. There were skeletons hanging on the fences, a huge metal jack-o-lantern hanging from a metal tower, big saw-looking things, weird metal sculptures. They also had old railway cars and railway light stops.

Someone had obviously spent a lot of time putting this together. I wasn't quite sure of their sanity, however, as some of the things seemed pretty strange. The old railway cars were really interesting though and there were lots of other things to see. The sign said "Open While Home" but I thought I would just continue on. I felt it would be a long enough run without sightseeing stops although I wouldn't mind a tour sometime!

    After about another hour or so I arrived at Fairfax Recreation Area. I was quite excited to be there!!!  This had been my big destination from the beginning! I wanted to go run around and see Lake Monroe and I wasn't disappointed. I got to see the beautiful lake in all it's glory with sunlight shining upon it. At one point I saw three very stately swans all in a row gliding along the lake. I wished then, as I wish often, I had a better camera with a zoom lens to catch these things.

I had to snap a photo of the sign because I wanted to show I was HERE!!! Then I went in. There was nobody at the booth although I don't think a solitary distance runner would have had to pay anything anyway. I ran down some deserted roads and came to Lake Monroe. I saw it in the distance.....a beautiful blue lake just waiting for me!  

As I said I had come at the perfect time. The sun was out and shining upon the lake like a sparkling mirror. I got out my sandwich and some crackers and sat along the waters edge just listening to the waves and watching the swans, ducks and seagulls. It was so relaxing and I was having a wonderful time but I had to go! I took a couple more pictures and then continued on to look for a trail called "Old Oak Trail" which was supposed to be about 1.75 miles and contain a 175 year old Oak tree which would be cool to see. But I could never find it! As hard as I tried, following the maps, I could never find the trial head. I did find some little trail that petered out at the edge of some water. But that was it.

I was on my way again then. I stopped at Fourwinds and asked about the Old Oak Trail there as well. They told me to go back to the shelter house I had just been at and it would be there. That led me to that dingy little trail that just ended. There WAS an interesting wooden thing holding up a pipe though.








The water was so lovely it was hard to leave. If I had had my swimsuit and it had been warmer I might have gone in a bit into the shallow water at the edge but no it was too cold for that.

    

Then I made a mistake. In a mind-boggling bout of stupidity I decided to try to make Pate Hollow part of my route. I had looked at the map. I knew to take Ramp Creek Road to Handy Road to Stipp Road and then up to 446 (which I was really, deathly afraid of doing) then hang  a right and get to the Pate Hollow trail head and Run the Bear. Then I saw a sign that said "E. Paynetown Road" and thought to myself "Hmmmm....says Payetown Road....must then, logically, lead to paynetown somehow right?

WRONG!!!  DEAD, DEAD, DEAD WRONG! I spent the next two hours bushwacking through brambles, climbing enormous inclines and descending steep declines to find myself, inevitably, lost in the woods. Shit!!!  Though the views from the ridge were quite pretty I really wanted to find a real trail. Hoping against hope that even though I found nothing of Pate Hollow I might find some magical trail that would at least lead me out of the wilderness I was now in never materialized. I tromped around, in water crossings up to my knees, in boggy wetlands, clawing my way up huge inclines to only then have to crawl my way down equally scary declines. I tried following the lake, then the creek, checked my Maps App on my phone but no matter where I went it seemed that both Stipp road and E. Paynetown road were equidistant to each other all the time. I felt I was standing still! 

To the left is just one of the scary declines. You can't, perhaps, tell from the photo but it was very steep and when I descended it the only thing keeping me from falling sometimes were the trees I grabbed onto as I stumbled down.

    Equally terrifying inclines. I did inclines like this more than once, ,clawing my way up, practically crawling in some places to reach the top. The scenes from the ridges were lovely but I was tired!

Here is a photo from one of the ridge tops. Down below you can see Lake Monroe in the distance. I ended up on lots of these ridges at the top of those crazy uphills.

Still moving steadily through the woods I started to get hungry. I didn't want to stop, though, and eat because I was so focused on getting out of the woods now and back onto a road. So I kept checking my Maps on my phone and trying to keep track of Stipp road. At last I was at the top of one ridge and looked down into the bottoms and there was  a tiny little white truck going down a tiny, little white road. YES!! I must get down there!


The bottoms were WAY down and the way was muddy and steep. I tried at first to keep myself somewhat horizontal but finally gave into the mud. I just decided to grab a stick to slow down my way down, sat down in the mud and slid all the way down on my butt. My pants were covered in mud now so, without thinking anything of it (at this point I could care less) I tore off my pants and reached into my pack and got out my shorts. They might be colder to wear but at least I wouldn't have to run the next couple of hours with mud on my butt.
    I got onto Stipp road and started running it. It eventually turned into E. Moffet and then past 37 that turned into W. Church lane. I followed that into Clear Creek, ran around Clear Creek for awhile and then got on S. Rogers. I ran up S. Rogers and then, eureka!, I found the horse farm and that was the rail trail! I felt like kissing the ground when I got on that. OH Rail Trail! Your wonderful traffic-less, flatness is like a balm to my soul. Unfortunately soon after that my Garmin ran out of battery power. I logged onto an app on my phone that lasted to 6.55 miles and then my phone died too. Now I was running naked, as they say, tech-free. No Garmin, no phone, not even a watch. Just me, my feet and the lengthening shadows telling me it was getting a bit late in the day. I had been running since 7am and now guessed it to be about 4pm.
   I ran through Clear Creek trail to Tapp road, turned around and ran back rail trail then took B-line to the bridge, swung a right at the bridge and came home at last. Since I had had no tech to tell me I had no way of knowing my mileage until i came home, uploaded it and mapped out the rest. I was a little disappointed to realize my 60K had only been a little over a mile more. A lap around bryan park would have probably done it. Oh well!
   I had had an adventurous day, got in some great mileage, seen Lake Monroe from several vantage points, discovered how to get lost (and then un-lost) in the woods, and was happy to be home. I got out my celebratory Guiness to finish off the day!

    

To end this post: Just two more weird things from the railroad museum.


A day well spent! Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!

"You're running 100 miles"------"Yes, Yes I am"

 

        When I came upon the idea of running the 100 mile race at Indiana Trail 100 it was kind of a crazy idea that I wasn't really serious about. I mean...come ON!...100 miles!!  The very idea caused my stomach to clench and my mind to rebel. But then I remembered the amazing feeling I got after my 50. (I also, of course, remember saying I am glad I didn't have to do that again!) 
       But then my thoughts began to creep inexorably towards the fact that only a few years ago I had run my first 5K and how much I had done since then. Against all odds I had done four ultramarathons, 7 marathons, probably 10 or more half marathons and numerous other races none the worse for wear. Oh of course I had some setbacks---an annoying hip injury that kept me out of the Flatrock 50K but it turned around pretty quickly. As long as I keep up with the exercises it is fine. 
     So with my stomach in very serious knots I signed up for the 100 mile at IT100 in late April---April 25 to be exact. 

So I summoned my courage and then did what I always do. I started planning. Got the UltraLadies training schedule and tweaked it a bit to allow for an October marathon, a December 50K and the Land between the lakes 60K which is actually perfect as a training run. 
    I enlisted the aid of my running elders, so to speak, Jeff Yoder and Scott Breeden. They were so patient with me as to going over my training plan, doing a little pinch here and there to make it not only more manegable but also talked me down from some of my more extreme weekend back to back that would probably have landed me back into pysio and more lovely graston. OW!!
    Training plan made I started doing my weekly runs religiously,. my back to back runs on the clock and worked on my other considerations such as nutrition. I tried desperately to capture the magic of Tailwind as all my friends had done but it just didn't work fore me. At some point I needed food, even if that food was just a salted caramel Gu, or I would start to feel this lagging feeling ,my pace would start to suffer and I had to do something about it. Usually hit around mile 10. 
    I also kept up my weight training at the same time. Mondays and Fridays were my rest days. Fridays I took full rest days, especially when it wasn't a cut-back week and I was actually going to be putting in 8-10 hours total during the weekend just running. Mondays are my weight days. I usually focus on upper body---rows, lat pulldowns, assisted pullup machine, pushups, etc.....
   So here it is kind of dwindling down. I know it's technically two months away however between back to backs, cut back weeks, tapering just a very tad for LBL, recovery from LBL,. big runs before 3 week taper before 100 mile my time is actually becoming quite short.

  So here I am at the crux of my life where one way is back to the way I was here before and there is a brand new Heather. One who has conquered 100 miles and, whether or not I can finish or not, has undertaken a massive faith in myself----one that cannot be squashed no matter what life brings me. 

                                              I am Heather Lake, 45 female and I am going to run 100 miles.