After the Indiana Trail 100 I was in a state of bliss that i had done it, been successful in such a huge goal and how it had impacted so many people. I felt like there were others who were inspired by my efforts and it made me happy to be a part of that.
My life as a trainer and instructor is to be sure i push when needed but not to harm. The old macho quotes "No Pain, No Gain" or "Pain is weakness leaving the body" is not the way to be successful in a continuing athletic endeavor. Sometimes you have to just say no. When I signed up for Kettle Moraine I was still flying high although as soon as I signed up for it I thought "What am I doing?" For the first couple of weeks after IT100 my left knee hadn't been right. I think it was all the twisting and turning in the mud that wrenched around my patella where the arthritis is. Usually running doesn't hurt my knees. Yes when I am done with a very long run it is icing time and then it gets better for the next run. But after 30 hours of hard running in the mud my knee had had it for awhile.
I already somewhere inside knew I was pushing it for myself. I actually decided NOT to tell most people what i was doing because I didn't want to be told "NO" even though had I been thinking my inner self would have screamed it at me however I had hushed that part of me and said "IT will be okay. I will run one good weekend after it feels a bit better then rest it." It didn't ever quite get better though. Though running rarely hurt it which is another reason it is my sport of choice, things like stairs; jumping exercises, plyometrics and anything where I had to repeatedly bend my knee was bothering it. I was biking with no problem, swimming, feeling pretty good but not 100 mile good and I had only run 22 miles the whole month.
I kept it all wrapped up, not only physically, but also figuratively. I didn't want most of my friends to know I was trying this again only a month after the last one. Pretty bad when you can't tell your friends or doctor what you are doing. My knee doc has been amazed what I have accomplished and to tell the truth running long distances doesn't usually bother me at all. I feel good, I am happy, I am at peace. IT's when I get my best thinking done, I love the runner's high and, especially at races, I get a thrill from all the excitement and energy. I wanted that again.
The time approached and I had only had one good back to back weekend all month. It was hard to remember that I was not an indestructible force no matter how much I wanted to be and that pushing too hard now might end my trail running, and ultrarunning, career.
So, bracing myself, I said NO to KM. So hard and I wanted to be there but even volunteering if I couldn't run the race I knew it would be very difficult to be there.
I know there will be more adventures to come, more trails to run, more people to meet and many more chances to challenge myself.
It's not saying NO it's just saying NOT RIGHT NOW.
