The role of fat shaming in our society and how we can help

     A couple of weeks ago I was in the coffee line at a function and ran into someone who has known me for years. This very sweet lady was telling her boyfriend that I used to be "a bigger girl"; "plus size". I told the man that I used to be fat. She said she was trying to make it sound better. I said there is nothing wrong with the word. Fat is not a bad word. It's a descriptive word. And I am understanding of her tendency to not want to refer to someone, especially a female, in those terms. Society has taught us that fat is a bad word to use for reference.
    When I was fat I felt shamed a lot for my size. Rather than look at me for who I was I was instead judged by many to be such things as lazy, unmotivated, ugly--in other words--unacceptable. Fat does not equal unhealthy just as thin doesn't equal healthy. I was unhealthy because I was a smoker, unregulated type 2 diabetic, had high blood pressure and high cholesterol--NOT because of my weight. My weight was a part of the picture but not the entire picture. I went to lose the weight not based on looks but on finding a healthier way of living. Feeling better about myself was a side-effect of losing the weight but I also found many things to be true that are dictated by the society we live in and how I was viewed both as a fat woman and a thinner woman.
   When I started to lose the weight and get healthier I was suddenly treated as "an equal". People said how pretty I looked NOW as though there were nothing attractive about me before. The clothing industry rewarded me by giving me a wider choice of clothing when I went shopping. I was able to feel I 'fit in' with others. I had felt beautiful as a fat woman and I felt beautiful as a smaller woman but was only really reinforced when I lost the weight. People didn't ask me how I felt inside--how was my blood pressure, my blood sugar levels, my ability to do more activities? They asked me "How did you lose the weight?".
   I had a podiatrist I once went to find out about my former size and asked me "How did you finally go from being fat and lazy to where you are now?". I had actually never been lazy. I was an active person then. I was a gardener, a hiker, loved to go camping, a fan of dancing and a hard working woman who loved my friends and family and my life. I never went back to that doctor again. I remember when I saw on my medical chart the words "Obese" and how that made me feel inside. The word Obese, again, is a descriptor word however I had internalized that shame from my many years of viewing women in magazines and movies that equated thin with beautiful.

I went to lose the weight when I was told I had Type 2 diabetes. I was motivated to do it not because I felt ugly but because I didn't want to start losing limbs, going blind and dying an earlier death due to my health problems. I had just as many positive qualities as a fat woman as I did as a thinner woman.
   The fat shaming in our society is a sickness and it leads many women-and 10% of men--be feel unworthy and judged due to their size rather than look beyond the physical characteristics to the person as a whole.
  As a trainer I want to instill in my clients and students that they are not the sum of their pounds--that they can accept themselves wherever they are in life and whatever they look like--that being thin is not what being healthy is about. Fitness is not about looks it's about making healthier choices because you want to live longer, feel better and rely less on the medical establishment and more on a holistic view of yourself.
   Focusing on size equals worthiness leads to extremely unhealthy problems for women. These problems like anorexia, bulimia, self-injury and suicidal behaviors due to self-shaming and low self-esteem can be lethal. Anorexia is the most lethal of the mental illnesses. I was lucky in that when I went to get healthier I didn't get sucked into the eating disorder problems. I was able to look at the physical aspects and focus on eating better, regulating my blood sugar and being more active. Many people are not as lucky. 

    Remember that the fat person you see is first and foremost a PERSON. When you make snap judgements based on looks you write off what could be the best friend, lover, partner, parent you will ever meet.

A poem: Tale of the 100 mile journey

The tale of the 100 mile journey

by Heather lake

Here we start a journey

we know not how it will end

bravely taking our first steps to

that twisting trail

we leave our safe havens

pushing our bodily ships to sail

we wind our way hearing

conversations and birds

the wind in the trees

the rustling leaves

the calls of the aid stations

and the care of volunteers

when our feet are planted

on the clay of the woods

we take a moment, rise up and

feel that bit of gift

of life under our feet,

all around us,

in the trees, the flowers, the hills

and creeks

when the rain falls we listen

to it pelt upon the trees

hearing the sigh of the wind

we are one with the breeze

feet carry us through the ebb and flow

our hearts beat as we boldly go

feeling the heat of the sun,

the cool of the rain

pressing on through doubt,

perhaps pain

But darkness comes and the moon glows

lights like tiny fireflies grow

dancing through the glades and hills

all quiet now as sun fades down

the forest dancing all around

flowers glow like little white lights

and everything around feels fey at night.

Pushing on we feel the dance

of life, of heartbeat, of love and chance

each person met greeted with love

praising each hard moment that we rise above

and then, like a wedding guest,

the sunrise comes

glowing and gleaming

a joyous sight

and we know we have finished the night

and to our friends we finish our fight

hugging them and feeling that gift of flight

when we can finally sit and know we did

the biggest thing we have ever done

and now we are all, every one of us, ONE.